Category: animals

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?””No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”

What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
There was an empty seat.

What do you call a chicken that crosses the road rolls in dirt and comes
back?
A dirty double crosser

Q: Why did the chicken cross da road?

A: To get to the other side

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot etc…

So he says that he will wager 500 quid to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play. A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimmi Hendrix, just rippin’ it up. So the man pays his $500.

Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays his #500.

A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look. Ha!”, the man says, “can’t you play it?”…

The octopus looks up at the man and says “Play it???, I’m going to shag it, as soon as I get its pajamas off.”

There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.

The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.”

The other cow replies, “Hell, I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks!”

Q: What’s a cat’s second favorite food?
A: Spa-catti!

Q: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?A: Open the door put the elephant in and close the doorQ: How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?A: Open the door take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the doorQ: If there is an animal meeting and every single animal is going to be there except for one, which one would it be?A: The giraffe, It’s still stuck in the FridgeQ: If you had to get across a swamp and it was full of crocodiles how would you do it?A: Just swim across, The crocodiles are at the animal meeting.

Q – What smells and is shaped like a worm?A – Bird crap.

There once was a chicken his name was BillyBob. When he was a young chick he was always picked one by all the other animals on the farm. Then one day he fliped and kiled all the animals on the farm. And then he put it to his master.

A midget with a heavy lisp goes to a horse farm to purchase a horse. The owner of the farm takes him through to look at all of his horses. The owner is really getting pissed off.

Finally, the last horse and the midget decided that he really wanted this horse. So he ask the owner if he could lift him up so he could look at the horses eyes. The owner did as the midget asked, and the midget said ” Oh my, thse got very pretty eyez”.

Then the midget ask if he could lift him up so he could see her teeth, Then the midget said “Oh wow, thse got wonderful teeth. Then the midget ask if he could see her twat. The owner, being very pissed,picked him up, and rammed him in and out of the horse’s twat.

The midget looked up at the owner and said. “Oh my, yes she does have a very fine twat, but I guess I thoud have asked to see her gallop.”

Why was Tigger lickin’ the toilet?
Cause he was lookin’ for Pooh!