Category: animals

Q. What is the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield?
A. It’s butt.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The cop told him to walk the white line for a drunk test

Q: What does a chicken say when there is a fire in his coop?

A: “Where’s the egg-sit?”

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive.

“Dead,” she was informed.

“How do you know?”, she asked.

“Because I pissed in his ear and it didn’t move,” said the child innocently.

“You did WHAT?!?”, the teacher squealed in surprise.

“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘pssst’ and he didn’t move.”

During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for
three months, when he was finally given a week of R & R. He caught a supply boat
to a supply base in the south of England, and then caught a train to London.
The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on
his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for
two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British
lady with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.

Could I please sit in that seat?

A: The outside.

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the
sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going?
You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”

The panda yells back at the bartender, “Hey, I’m a PANDA! Look it up!” The
bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

“A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and
white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

Whats a chickens favorite corn??? Give up???

Gobble Corn

Get it…HaHaHa….LOL

There were three dogs at the vet talking to each other when one says,”I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that’s why I’m here”.

The next dog said,”I peed on my masters $1,000 rug”.

The next dog then comes in and say’s,”My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!”.

“And that’s why you’re here?” asked the other dogs. “No, I’m getting my nails clipped.”

Q: Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
A: To a mewseum.

Cats Top Ten Favorite Christmas Songs10. Up on the Mousetrap 9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas 8. Joy to the Curled 7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus 6. The First Meow 5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful 4. Silent Mice 3. Fluffy, The Snowman 2. Jingle Balls 1. Wreck the Halls!

Professor Dumbarton conducted an experiment at a small California agricultural
college to show how a frog reacts to a human stimulus.

The scientist explained: “At first the frog jumped sixteen feet. When I cut
off one leg, I established that a three-legged frog could only jump twelve feet.

Then I cut off another leg and yelled, ‘Jump!’ I concluded that a two-legged
frog could only jump nine feet.”

“I then discovered that a frog with one leg can jump only six feet. I cut off
the last leg and shouted,

‘Jump!’ again, but the frog didn’t move. I therefore concluded that a frog
with no legs is deaf!”