Category: animals

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perch on my window sill.

He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles,
Began to slip away.

He sang of far off places,
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
Brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
And gently lowered the window
And crushed his freakin’ head!

Mary had a little lamb

she tied it to a pile-on,

10,000 volts went up its tail

and turned its wool to nylon.

What do you call a mother cow that lost her calf?

“Decafinated”

whats green and at a flick of a switch goes red???

a frog in a blender

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be “macho,” so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: “Say, look at that big bunch of cows.”

The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ but ‘herd.’ “

“Heard what?”

“Herd of cows.”

“Sure, I’ve heard of cows. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”

A duck walks into a store and walks up to the clerk behind the counter,the clerk says “May I help you?” “Got any gwapes?” says the duck. “No I am sorry.” Says the clerk. So the duck leaves and comes back the next day and to the same clerk says “Got any gwapes?” “No!” says the clerk “We still do not have any grapes”So the duck goes home and the next day comes back and once again they do not have grapes!So the clerk in frustration says”Look we do not and will not have any grapes if you come back and ask me again i will staple your mouth shut and staple your feet to the ground!”So the next day the duck comes back and goes to the same clerk and says “Got any staples?” “No.” Says the clerk “Good!” Says the duck “Got any gwapes?”

What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef Jerky!

Q: How does a clown fish get it`s stripes?

A: It spends time in jail.

One day, two skunks were walking down the street.One was a momma skunk, and one was a baby skunk. Suddenly, a little baby duck was crying in some bushes. The momma skunk says to the baby duck,” why are you crying.” The baby duck says,” my mommy never told me what I was before she died.” The momma skunk said,” well, you have flippers, and white fur, you must be a duck. Suddenly, a car passes by and kills the momma skunk. Then the baby skunk starts crying. The baby duck says,” why are you crying,”. The baby skunk says,” my mommy never told me what I was before she died.” The baby duck said,” well, your black, your white, and you sure do stink, you must be Puertorican.

What animal needs to be oiled?

a mouse… because it goes… squeeeek!!

Q: What did one Dyke frog say to the other Dyke frog?

A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!!!

Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them, they’d break.