Never play leap-frog with a unicorn.
Category: animals
Dog Property Laws
1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If I’m chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If it just looks like mine, its mine.
8. If I saw it first, its mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If its broken, its yours.
I hear it’s untweetable.
Q: Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?
A: Chirpes. It’s one of those canarial diseases. I hear it’s untweetable.
THE FROG
Q: Whats a frogs favorite drink?
A: Croak-a-Cola
Best Jokes
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You pour petrol on it and it goes woof!
Three very tough mice
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.The first says, “I’m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!”The second says, “Well I’m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!”Then the third rat gets up and says, “Later guys, I’m off home to harass the cat.”
Daffy Goes Fishing
Daffy (a blonde duck) was a bit behind schedule. Winter had arrived already and she was just heading south. As she was flying above a small lake, she spotted a net and figured it was just as good a time as any to stop for a snack. Perhaps she could steal a fish before someone caught her. When she landed by the net, there was quite the commotion and she was hit . . . by the puck.
Rooster and donkey
One guy says to the other….imagine a fence and on one side that is where you live and i live on the other side..i have a rooster and you have a donkey…one day my rooster and your donkey were at the fence and your donkey bit both of my roosters legs off now what would that be called……the guy says well i dont know why dont you tell me. so the other guy replies…….that would be 2 feet of my cock in your ass…
Dogs Take Their Licks
Why do dogs lick themselves?
Because they can.
Monkeying Around
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”
The guy says, “No, what?”
“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!”, says the bartender.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.”
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks.
“Now what?”, responds the patron.
“Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”
Dog with no legs
where do you find a dog with no legs?
where you left it
The Grass and the Goat
Q:Do you know what happened to the grass after it met the goat?
A: it went bald