Category: animals

Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.Purrson: A male kitty.Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him
everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the
chain, and started swinging him around his head.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The other customers were
taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated.
One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, “Sir, what are you
doing!?!”

The man turned toward the teller and said, “Oh, nothing – just looking
around.”

Petshop owner: If you buy a dog, you will get 1000 free things.
Customer: What?!
Petshop owner: Just buy one.
Customer: Get me a golder retriver.
Petshop owner: Okay, that will be $1200.
Customer: Now, i have bought a dog, what will i get?
Petshop Owner: Of course, as i had said, FLEAS!

A man recently bought a bull elephant for 50 grand. He decided to make big bucks out of the elephant. He trained the elephant not to jump no matter what then he set up a challenge to make the elephant jump. The prize money was 10 grand. To play this game, the challenger must pay 1 grand to the guy before playing. Lots of people came and tried all sorts of tricks to make the elephant jump but without success. Until the a guy show up and decided to take up this challenge. He paid the elephant owner 1 grand and went to his car and took out a golf club. He held the club behind him and walked around the elephant. After walking around the elephant a few times, he stopped right behind the elephant. He raised his club and swung as hard as he could right smack between the elephant’s hind legs. Being a bull elephant, it leaped twenty feet into the air and landed with a crash. The elephant owner, disgusted with the elephant’s performance, paid the guy with the golf club his 10 k. After that, the elephant owner decided to create another challenge. The prize money was now double but so was fee required to pay. This time, the challenge was to make the elephant shake it’s head. Again, lots of people came to make the elephant shake it’s head and they all failed until the same guy with the golf club came again. He paid the elephant owner 2 grand and once again took out his golf club. Once again, the guy with the golf club walked aroung the elephant. This time, he stopped in front of the elephant. “Hello.” The guy said. “Remember me?” The elephant nodded. “Remember this golf club?” The guy asked, showing the elephant his glof club. The elephant nodded. “Remember what I did to you the last time?” The elephant nodded nervously. Then the guy said “DO YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN?!”

There was this farmer who had three lovely daughters. He wanted them to
marry men who would do anything for them, so he came up with a test. One
morning he took all 3 of his daughters out back to the barn. When they got
there, there were 3 handsome young men waiting. The farmer walked up to the
first man and said “If you fuck my cow back there you can choose any one of my
daughters you like, to marry”.
The first man quickly replied..”No way man,
there not even that pretty”, he then left.

The farmer walked up to the next
man and offered him the same deal..”If you fuck my cow back there, you can
choose anyone of my daughters you like, to marry”.
The second man
replied “Well i dont know…..oh…Naaaaaa”. and he too left.
The farmer then
walked up to the third and final man and offered him the same deal he gave the
other 2..”ok..If you fuck my cow back there, you can choose anyone of my
daughters you like, to marry”.
The third man thought for a moment then
answered..”Well I guess. Why not”
So the man goes in the back and fucks the
farmers cow. When he returns the farmer asks…”So which one of my daughters
would you like?”
The man answers with….”Screw your daughters how much for
the cow!”

A very rich old man is on his deathbed and is going to die soon, so he calls in his three sons. He gives them each a duck and tells them that the one who gets the most for his duck will be given everything the old man owns. The first son goes out, and when he comes back he says, “Father! Father! I got $10 for my duck!”

His father says, “That is very good let’s see how your other brothers do.”

About a day later the second brother comes home and he says, “Father! Father! I got $15 for my duck.”

The old man replies, “So far you have done the best, but let’s wait and see what your little brother does.”

While the last brother was looking for someone to buy his duck, he happened to pass by a bar. When he got into the bar he saw the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen before, so he told her, “I’ll give you this duck for a fuck.”

She replied, “Ok.”

When the boy got home to his father, his father was so furious that he yelled, “You get your ass back in that bar and get that duck back!”

So the boy returned to the bar and found the same girl and told her his tale. He then said, “I’ll give you a fuck for that duck.” She agreed and while they were fucking the duck flew out the window and got hit by a truck.

The truck driver was so sorry about what had happened that he offered to pay for the duck. The boy then replied, “$20 would do nicely.”

“No problem,” said the driver. When the boy got home he was beaming with pride. He shouted, “I won! I won! I got a fuck for a duck a duck for a fuck and twenty bucks for a fucked up duck.”

Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?
A: To corrupt the other side.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a prostitute?
A: A two-ton pick-up.

Q. What do you call a dog with real short legs and steel testicles?
A. Sparky.

Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don’t know the words.

A man rushed into the veterinarian’s office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog’s still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead.

Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog. The doctor stepped into his other room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door.

The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a �meow�, walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.

The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, “I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do.�

Resigned, the man signed and said, “Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you?”

“Three-hundred fifty dollars,” the doctor replied.

“Thr . . . thr . . .three-hundred fif-fif-fifty bucks to tell me my dog is dead!” the man stammered.

“Well, it was only $50 for the office visit. The other $300 is for the CAT scan.”

One day while the Camel, and the Elephant were near by each other, the Elephant looked over to the Camel. The Elephant says to the Camel (What a silly place you choose to have your tits on your back) The Camel who is touched by the Elephants remark then turns to the Elephant to now say (Well how about you then, I mean fancy putting your dick on your head mate)