Q: Where does virgin wool come from?
A: Ugly sheep.
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Q: Where does virgin wool come from?
A: Ugly sheep.
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog, are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, “Whoever can use the words liver and cheese, in the same sentence can have me.”
So the Doberman says, “I love liver and cheese.”
The female Collie says, “That’s not good enough.”
The Bulldog says, “I hate liver and cheese.”
She says, “That’s not creative.”
Finally, the Taco Bell Chihuahua says, “Liver alone — cheese mine.”
A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
“Doc, I need something for my eyes…can’t see well these days”.
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you?”
“The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”
See if you can do this:
Read each line aloud
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a drink.”
The bartender can’t believe his eyes and says, “Oh my Gosh, I can’t believe this, you’re a talking grasshopper!”
“Do you know we have drink named after you?”
The Grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named Steve?”
Q: What do cats like to eat on a hot day?
A: Mice cream.
A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.
“Oscar, what happened to you?”, asked the flea, because Oscarlooked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering.
“I got a ride down here in some guy’s mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off,” wheezed Oscar.
“Let me give you a tip, old pal,” said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. “You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?”
So you can imagine the flea’s surprise when, a month or so later,while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar – looking more chilled and miserable than before.
“Listen,” said Oscar, “I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off.”
“And so?” asked the first flea.
“And so the next thing I know, I’m on this guy’s mustache again!”
A blonde and her father are walking down a street when the father says, “Look,
a dead bird.”
And the blonde looks up and says, “Where?”
A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off, when
another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The
dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking
quizzically at the dog, when the second man explains that they
work for the airline. The dog handler says to the first man,
“Don’t mind Rover, he is a ‘sniffer dog,’ the best there is.
I’ll show you when we get airborne and I set him to work.”
The plane takes off and levels out, when the handler says to the
first man, “Watch this.” He tells the dog, “Rover, search.”
The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a
woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts
one paw on the handler’s arm. He says, “Good boy,” and turns to
the first man and says, “That woman is in possession of
marijuana, so I’m making a note of this and the seat number for
the police who will apprehend her on arrival.” “Fantastic!”
replies the first man.
Once again, he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog
sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns
to its seat and places both paws on the handler’s arm. He says,
“Good boy,” and he turns to the first man and says, “That man is
carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of this and the
seat number.” “That’s marvellous, I’ve never seen anything like
it!” says the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. He goes up and
down the plane and after a while sits down next to someone, and
then comes racing back and jumps up onto the seat and shits all
over the place. The first man is surprised and disgusted by
this, and asks, “What the hell is going on?”
The handler replies. “He’s just found a bomb!”
Q. How can you tell when dogs are kinky?
A. They start doing it in the missionary position.
A donkey walks into the bar and the bartender asks, “Why the long face?”
Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.Purrson: A male kitty.Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.