Category: animals

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter… he won’t come to you anyway!

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to
take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court
the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

“Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” Asked the
lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” The lawyer interrupted, “Just answer the
question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?”

Farmer Joe said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road…”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway
patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the
accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please
tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and
said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say.”

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well, as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when
this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck
right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into
the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I
could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible
shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman
came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went
over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her
between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in
his hand and looked at me.” He said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I
had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and the other one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them.

The brunette says, “What is going on up here? We’re having a great time downstairs!”

One of the blondes says, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver!”

A man walks into a pet store and tells the owner that he is
looking for a parrot that sings Christmas carols. The owner
tells him that he is in luck becuase they just got one in that
day. So the man asks to see it.
It is a beautiful bird, and the man is very excited, so he askes
how you get it to sing. “Oh that’s simple,” answers the shop
owner, “all you have to do is hold a lighter up to the bird’s
body and it will sing different songs.”
So the man gets out his lighter and holds it up to the birds
left wing and it sings “Jingle Bells”, he is impressed. He then
holds it up to the right wing, and the bird starts to sing
“Frosty the Snowman”, when the lighter got held up to the birds
stomach it started to sing “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.”
Finally the man holds the lighter up under the bird’s tail, and
without a moments hesitation the parrot starts to sing “Chesnuts
Roasting on an Open Fire.”

Ha Ha Ha you know you love it!! 🙂

Q: What’s the cheapest kind of meat?
A: Deer balls. They are under a buck.

Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?
A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.

A depressed blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park. A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree.

He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, “I’m hanging myself.”

“You’re supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist,” said the man.

“I tried that,” replied the blonde, “but I couldn’t breathe…”

There was a farmer who had a lot of live stock. He had cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and bulls. One day a terrible twister came and the man and his family were only saved by throwing themselves in the nearest ditch. After it was all over, he looked up to see that the house was gone. Saddened by the loss, he went out to see if any of the animals had survived. The horses, chickens, pigs, and cows were laid out flat but the bulls were standing! The farmer was amazed and asked them, “How is it that all the other animals are down and you are still standing?” The bulls replied, “We bulls wobble but we don’t fall down!”

PART 1

QNS : How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?

ANS: 1) Open the fridge door
2) put the elephant in
3) Close the door

Qns : How do u put a giraffe in a fridge in 4 steps?

ANS : 1) open the fridge door
2) take out the elephant
3) put in the giraffe
4) close the door

PART 2

Qns :There was a forest fire somewhere and Tarzan’s job was to call out all the animals so that he can take them to a safe place. He kept calling and calling out to all the animals and all of them turned up except one. What animal was it and why?

Ans : giraffe….
…because it is still in the fridge

What are the two things a cat is good for?
Altitude and distance!

It had taken him several months, but the exec had finally persuaded his new
secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have
sex with her that way.

“And just where have you been until this hour?” demanded his wife, when the
wayward husband finally arrived home.

“Down at the office,” he replied, “working like a dog.”

Where is the world’s fastest chicken from?
Ethiopia!