Category: animals

One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a divorce. The judge decided that
baby bear was going to live with mama bear.
Baby bear started to cry . “Whats wrong?” the judge asked baby bear.

“I dont want to live with mama bear, she abuses me!” said baby bear.

“Then, you can live with papa bear” said the judge.

Baby bear started to cry even harder the judge asked him, “Whats wrong?” Baby
bear replied, ” I dont want to live with papa bear he abuses me even more than
mama bear does.”

“Then who do you want to live with?” asked the judge.

Baby bear replied, “I want to live with the Baylor Bears, because they don’t
beat anyone!”

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft
going straight down into the ground.

“Wow,” said the first guy. “I wonder how deep it is?”

“I dunno,” said the second. “Let’s find out.” With that, he dropped a rock
down the hole. They waited and waited, but didn’t hear it hit bottom.

“Hmm. Let’s try a bigger rock,” said the first guy, and tossed a
watermelon-sized stone down the hole. They waited a couple of minutes, but
didn’t hear it hit either. So, they looked around for something bigger to throw
down and came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together and dumped
down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to hear it hit, a goat streaked
between the two of them and jumped straight down the mineshaft.

While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came
up the path and asked them if they’d seen a goat.

“Yeah, just now,” said one of the first two guys. “It just ran up and jumped
down this hole.”

“Oh, well then it couldn’t have been my goat,” said the third guy. “My goat
was tied to an old railroad tie.”

Why is an elephant big, gray, and wrinkly?

Because if it were small, white, and smooth it would be an asprin.

how many ants are in an ant hill? how can you ANTSER that? ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One
says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”

“We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where
to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”

The first bat replies, “Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere.” He
flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, “Where did you get the blood?”

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the
night, he asks, “See that black building over there?”

“Yes,” the other bat answers.

“Well,” says the first bat, “I didn’t.”

When Is It Unlucky To See A Black Cat?

When Your A Mouse!

A: Chirpes. It’s one of those canarial diseases. I hear it’s untweetable.

What weighs 2,000 pounds and pinches?
An elephant wearing a tight tuxedo!

A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: What did did the mother duck say to the little duck.
A: If you don’t behave, I’m gonna quack you one.

A: Chickens hadn’t evolved yet.

What would happen if we priced our “COWS” using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a “CAR”?

LIST PRICING A COW

A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One
day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over
to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:

BASIC COW………………………………………….$499.9
Shipping and handling…………………………………35.75
Extra Stomach………………………………………….79.25
Two Tone Exterior……………………………………142.10
Produce Storage Compartment…………………..126.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper………………………..189.60
Four Spigot/High Output Drain System………….149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter…………………………………88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery………………………179.90
Deluxe Dual Horns……………………………………..59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment……………………339.40
4X4 Traction Drive Assembly………………………884.16
Pre-delivery Wash and Comb………………………..69.80
______________________________________________

FARMER’S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE: …….$2,843.3
Additional Dealer Adjustments: ……………………….300.00

TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including Options)………$3,143.36