Category: animals

A duck went to a shop went up one aisle downt the other up one down the other then he went over to a shopkeeper and asked do you have any duck food? the shopkeeper said no the next day the duck came back to the shop and went up one aisle and down the other up one and down the other he went over to the shopkeeper and asked do u have any duck food the shopkeeper said no and if you ever ask again then im going to nail your feet down the duck came back the next day and did the same thing but when it came to asking whether he had and duck food he asked instead do you have any nails? the shopkeeper said no then the duck asked do you have any duck food? lol it is funni

This farmer had a donkey it was a so un happy so he ask this bloke if he could try and make his donkey laugh ok said the bloke he went up to the donkey and whispered something in his ear he stepped back, the donkey started to laugh the farmer could not believe it ok you can make him laugh can you make him cry. The bloke said no problems he went over to the donkey whispered something in his ear then stepped back the donkey started to cry as the bloke was walking of the farmer said hold on one minute how did you make my donkey laugh? The bloke said it was easy I said to the donkey my dick is bigger than yours how did you make him cry I showed it to him.

The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:Collie + Lhasa ApsoCollapso, a dog that folds up for easy transportSpitz + Chow ChowSpitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lotPointer + SetterPoinsetter, a traditional Christmas petGreat Pyrenees + DachshundPyradachs, a puzzling breedPekingnese + Lhasa ApsoPeekasso, an abstract dogIrish Water Spaniel + English Springer SpanielIrish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistleLabrador Retriever + Curly Coated RetrieverLab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientistsNewfoundland + Basset HoundNewfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisorsTerrier + BulldogTerribull, a dog that makes awful mistakesBloodhound + LabradorBlabador, a dog that barks incessantlyMalamute + PointerMoot Point, owned by….oh, well, it doesn’t matter anywayCollie + MalamuteCommute, a dog that travels to workDeerhound + TerrierDerriere, a dog that’s true to the endBull Terrier + ShitzuOh, never mind….

A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof…woof.”

The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, “There are only nine words here,” he said. “You could send another ‘woof’ for the same price.”

“But,” the dog replied, “that would be silly.”

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
A: You walk him and pitch to the Zebra!

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It’s bike is outside.

Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.

Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats? A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don’t be stupid, elephants can’t change light bulbs.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don’t sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q. Why are spiders always like tops?

A. They are always spinning

In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city’s airport property.

It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.

Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.

In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.

In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.

In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.

In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.

In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.

In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.

In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.

French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.

Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet when a couple divorces – the animal is legally awarded to whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the initial separation.

Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl, or make any menacing gestures.

In Texas, it’s illegal to put graffiti on someone else’s cow.

It is illegal to ride a mule down Lang, Kansas’ Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat.

Over in Berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, Connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a “bright” red taillight securely attached to its rump.

Horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of Tahoe City, California.

In Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of Seattle must be wearing a cowbell.

In Burns, Oregon, horses are allowed in the town’s taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter.

You can’t blow your nose in public places in Leahy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic.

In Wanassa, New Jersey, a dog is breaking the law if it is heard to be “crying.”

There was this trucker with 40 peinguins in his truck he was supposed to take to the zoo. In the middle of the road the truck broke down. A person driveing by (lets say his name is Bob) asks if the trucker needs help. The trucker (lets say his name is Joe) asks Bob to take the 40 peingiuns to the zoo for him. Bob agrees. An hour later the truck is fixed and Joe drives to the zoo to make sure all the peinguins arived safely. When he arives the peinguins are no where to be found! Joe drives around looking for Bob. Finally he finds him pulling out of a movie parking lot with the 40 peinguins in his car. “I thought i told you to bring these peinguins to the zoo!” Joe exclamied,
” I did” replied Bob ” But I had some money left so I took them to the movies too!”

Little miss muffet… sat on her tuffet… eating her kurds and way.
Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, and said: “hey, whats
in the bowl bitch?!”

What is the difference in price of Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts cost about $3.00 per can, and Deer Nuts are under a Buck!

Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?

He was looking for a tight seal.

How many skunks does it take to stink up a room?

A phew.