Category: animals

One fine day Mister Rabbit goes running around the forest.

He sees a giraffe rolling a joint. “Giraffe, giraffe! Why do you do drugs? Come run with me instead!”

So the giraffe stops rolling his joint and runs with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing lines. Says the rabbit: “Elephant, elephant, why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead.”

So the elephant stops and goes running with the two. Then they come across a lion preparing a syringe. “Lion, lion,” cries the rabbit, “Why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead.”

The lion, with a mighty roar, bangs the rabbit to smithereens.

“No!” the giraffe and the elephant cry. “Why did you do that? All he was trying to do was to help you out!”

The lion replied, “Damn rabbit always makes me run around the friggin’ forest when he’s on speed!”

So, the chicken and the egg were in bed, the chicken is sitting up, smoking a cigarette, and says “Well, I guess that answers THAT question!!!”

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.

What is a dogs favorite pizza topping?

Pupperoni

Why did the gay guy cross the rode??
He had his dick stuck up the chickens arse!

If a cow takes a picture, how the picture comes out?

black and white.

A man takes his rabbit to the vet and asks “Is it dead?”

The vet looks, and says “Yes”.
The man then asks for a second opinion, at which point the vet presses a button under his desk and in walks a labrador dog.

He goes over to the rabbit, sniffs at it, shakes his head and walks away.
The vet then presses another button scruffy old moggy who sniffs the rabbit, paws at it, attempts to hunt it and then shakes it`s head.

The vet then says to the man “That will be �80 please”.
The man (incredulous) says “What do you mean �80?”
The vet says “It would have been only �10 for the consultation but you did insist on the lab report and the cat scan.”

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. “Well,” says the personnel director, “You’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute.”

Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.

“Also,” says the director, “You must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course.”

This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

“There’s one last requirement,” the director continues; “you must be bilingual.”

With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, “Meow!”

Where do you find a turtle with no arms and no legs?
Wherever you put it, dumbass.

A man’s car breaks down right in front of a farm and he’s trying
to fix it when he hears a voice coming behind him, “You have
water in the gas tank.” The man turns around and all he sees is
a cow from the farm.

He goes back to his car and again the same voice says, “You have
water in the gas tank.” The man turns around again and he sees
the cow but this time the voice came again but it’s from the
cow, “You have water in the gas tank.”

The man is shocked so he knocks on the door of the farmer’s
house. When the farmer answers the door the man says, “The cow
talked to me and said I had water in my gas tank. He can talk?”
The farmer replied, “Ignore him, the cow doesn’t know a thing
about cars.”

Q: Why does a dog wag its tail?
A: No one else will do it for them.

Little Johny asks the teacher, “How many feathers are there on a bird’s
wing?”

The teacher answered, “I don’t know.”

Little Johny then asked, “How many stripes are there on a bee’s body?”

The teacher answered, “I don’t know”

Then Little Johny asked, “How many lives does a cat have?”

Happily the teacher answered, “Nine lives.”

Little Johny followed up, “How come you know so much about pussy and
nothing about the birds and the bees?”