Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: This should be determined using a nonparametric procedure, since statisticians are not normal.
Author: admin
Exahausted?’
At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a
student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final
test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-ass
jock raises his hand.
“What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually
exahausted?”
”Well, I guess you’d just have to use your other hand to
write with.”
Enlarging the Presidency
Jesse Jackson and Bill Clinton were in the sauna naked when Bill looked down at Jesse’s dick and exclaimed “Wow Jesse, your dick is huge! How do you get it so big?” and Jesse says “Well Bill, every night before I go to sleep I take it out and slam my dick across the headboard of my bed and it gets bigger and stays that way.” That night Bill and Hillary were laying in bed and Hillary gets up and goes to the bathroom. Bill remembers what Jesse said about making his dick larger and Bill thinks this is a great time to try it. So He gets up, takes his dick out and starts banging it across the headboard. Just then Hillary yells out from the bathroom “Is that you Jesse?”
Keep off the grass
A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered.
This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.
It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: ‘keep off the grass.’
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Why did the blonde t
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
Witches On Brooms
Q. Why don�t witches wear underwear?
A. To get a better grip on the broom!
Don’t flush!
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.
When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!”
The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands.
He exclaimed, “Wow these mugs are big!”
The bartender replied, “Everything is big in Texas.”
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.
The bartender replied, “Second door to the right.”
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door.
Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
The groom
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Quiet!” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you spend the night in jail until the chief gets back.”
“But, officer, I just wanted to say,”
“And I said be quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you, the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the guy in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Getting old…
Your potted plants stay alive.
Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
You carry an umbrella.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as ‘dressed up’
older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds.
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
you no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
Dinner and a movie – The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy
test kits.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer ‘pretty good stuff’.
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi & ho-ho’s
‘I just can’t drink the way I used to’ replaces ‘I’m never going to drink that
much again’
Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You don’t get liquored up at home, to save money, before going to a bar.
Hedgehog, Giraffe, Dental Hygeine
Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedghog?
A: A six-foot toothbrush.
Rake in the bunker
A man said to his golfing friend, “I hit two of my best balls yesterday!”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, I stepped on a rake in the bunker.”
Yo mamma so Stupid…
Yo mamma so supid she invented a condom with sweat holes!