Q: Did you hear about the blonde man that locked his keys in his car? A: Took him an hour to get his family out w/ a coat hanger.
Author: admin
blondes and lipstick…
Q:why do blondes where green lipstick?
A: because red means stop
How to kill a blonde.
how do u kill a blond?
put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool!
The Pope and the Rams
What do the Pope and the Rams both appearing in the St. Louis Trans World Dome have in common?
They both feature 3 million people saying ‘Jesus Christ!’
Next morning
A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newly weds do, time and again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom.When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she see him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, “What’s THAT?”, pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, “Well, that’s what we had so much fun with last night.” And she, in amazement, asked, “Is that all we have left?”
Semeiotic Chain Mail
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and
deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity,
fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and
guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters
sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them
on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on
her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it
removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the
travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send “his” email to $1000?
How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page
and make a wish, I’ll get laid by every Playboy model in the
magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message
is a big F*CK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing
better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe
the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment
and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which
was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country
by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the
year 2000, it’ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for
longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
Fuck them.
If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I’ve seen all the “send this to 50 of your
closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human
being will somehow receive a nicke from some omniscient being”
forwards about 90 times. I don’t f*cking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually
contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it’s your
own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
* (scroll down)
* Make a wish!!!
* No, really, go on and make one!!!
* Oh please, they’ll never go out with you!!!
* Wish something else!!!
* Not that, you pervert!!
* Is your finger getting tired yet?
* STOP!!!!
* Wasn’t that fun? 🙂
Hope you made a great wish:)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do. First of all,
if you don’t send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you
will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into
a pile of manure. It’s true!
Because, THIS letter isn’t like all of those fake ones, THIS one
is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here’s how it goes:
Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on
your life.
Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at
you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your
house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
——————————————————-
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is
a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no
arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy’s life
could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a
dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless
Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and
remember, we have absolutley no way of counting the emails sent
and this is all a complete load of bullshit.
So go on, reach out.
Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder
– if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die
instantly.
Thanks again!!
—————————————————
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then
and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the
next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She
had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then
tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was
gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying
out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died.
This Could Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley. Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
——————————————————-
The point being?
If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave you
shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it’s funny, send it on.
Don’t piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper
in Botswana with no teeth, who’s been tied to a dead elephant
for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he’ll
receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you’ll end up like
Miranda. Right? Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise
you’ll find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning.
A guy in a
A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.
“Open the fucking safe!” he yells at the woman behind the
counter.
“But we’re not a real bank,” she replies, “we don’t have
any money, this is a sperm bank.”
“Don’t fucking argue, open the fucking safe or I’ll blow
your head off!” says the guy with the gun. She obliges and
once she’s opened the safe door the guy says, “Take out one
of the bottles and drink it.”
“But it’s full of sperm!’ she replies nervously.
“Don’t argue, just drink it’ he says. She pries the cap
off and gulps it down.”
“Take out another one and drink it, too!” he demands.
She takes out another and drinks it as well. Suddenly the
guy pulls off the mask and to the woman’s amazement it’s
her husband!
“There!” he says, “it’s not that fucking difficult is
it?!”
What Some of THIS?
A frustrated housewife decided her sex life needed spicing up after 20 years of marriage. After her husband went to work she slipped out and went into a lingerie shop and picked up a pair of crotchless knickers. She went home, tarted herself up and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him after she prepares him a drink. She slowly spread her legs, and in a husky voice say’s “Honey, would you like some of this?”The husband looks between his ageing wife’s legs and lets out his breath, looking up at his doting wife replies, “HELL, NO! Look what its done to your underwear.”
Son
It was time for St. Peter’s annual three-week vacation, and
Jesus volunteered to fill in for him at the Pearly Gates.
“It’s no big deal,” St. Peter explained. “Just sit at the
registration desk, and ask each person a little about his or her
life. Then, send them to housekeeping to pick up their wings.”
On the third day, Jesus looked up to see a bewildered old man
standing in front of him. He asked the old man to tell him
something about himself.
“I’m a simple carpenter,” said the old man. “And once I had a
son. He was born in a very special way, and was unlike anyone
else in the world. He went through a great transformation even
though he had holes in his hands and feet. He was taken from me
a long time ago, but his spirit lives on forever. All over the
world people tell his story.”
By this time, Jesus was standing with his arms outstretched.
There were tears in his eyes, as he embraced the old man.
“Dad…” he cried, “it’s been so long.”
The old man squinted, removed his glasses, stares blankly for a
moment while he wiped the glasses, returned the glasses to his
head, looked at Jesus again and said, “Pinocchio?”
3 Criminals
These 3 guys robbed a bank and were making a run for it when
they heard police sirens in the area. They ran into a grocery
store and snuck into the back. There they found three large
potato sacks. They each climbed into one and as the last one
closed his sack up they hear two police officers enter.
The deputy went up to the first bag and kicked it….
“Woof Woof” responded the man attempting to sound like a dog.
the deputy told the sheriff that it was a dog inside.
Next he went and kicked the second of the three sacks….
“Meow Meow” said the man in the sack in an attempt to sound
like a cat. again, he told the sheriff what he heard…
He went to the third sack and gave it a good kick
Thinking quickly, the man inside responded: “Potato Potato”
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in…
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del.,
as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Yankey fisher
It was a yankey and him and some buds were going ice fishing so they go and come back and one of his co-workers asked how his fishing trip whent the yank replied we did not get to fish it took us all day to drill out a hole big enough for the boat.