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The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”
“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “Can I see that prescription I just gave you?
I’d like to make a little change…”
From time to time we get tips about companies that are on the verge of releasing some product that might make them a good buying opportunity. Nothing illegal… just “being neighborly”.
Yesterday, I heard from a drug rep for Glaxo who told me that they are on the verge of launching a new herbal remedy that they think will take the market by storm. This drug sounds so promising that I want to suggest to my friends that they consider buying stock in the company.
The drug is called Gingko Viagra II, and its function is to help you remember what the fuck you are doing.
A dumb blonde is driving and see`s a tree,so she swurves to the right,she see`s another tree,she swurves again,she see`s ANOTHER tree,so she swurves again,a cop pulled her over and said”Lady you need to stop swurving your gonna get yourself hurt”and the dumb blonde said”but I keep seeing trees”,and the cop said”Lady……..thats a car freshener”
Una se�ora ten�a dos perritos gemelos. Era tanto el parecido que decidi� ponerles de nombre Teta1 y Teta2.
Un d�a de domingo la se�ora decide llevar a los perros con ella a la iglesia, cuando ve salir a un feligr�s y le pregunta: “Se�or se�or �usted cree que me dejen entrar a misa con mis dos Tetas?”
Y el se�or le responde:
“�Claro, a mi me dejaron entrar con mis dos huevos!”
Terminal – Time to call da undertaker.
John grew up on a remote dairy farm in Minnesota, and finally decided it was time to get some experience with women.
So he drove the pick-up into the nearest city and managed to find a prostitute who was more than willing to initiate him into the mysteries of sex.
Undressing, the hooker lay down and proceeded to instruct him carefully.
“Stick it in, honey…..all the way……now pull it out….. okay, back in, slowly………more, oooh, more……now back again.”
“For Christ’s sake,” interrupted the sweating farm boy, “could you make up your mind??”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine
headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he
discovers that his poor patient has had practically every
therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
“Listen,” says the Doc, “I have migraines, too and the advice
I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical
school, but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience.
When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub,
and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the
hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This
helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the
bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to
have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately
gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six
weeks.”
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. “Doc! I
took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had
migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has
ever helped me!”
“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”
“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “You have a REALLY nice
house.”
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?””A mongoose.””What for?””Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. That’s why I got this mongoose, for protection.” “But,” the friend said, “you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes.” “That’s okay,” said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, “So is the mongoose.”
A man walked into a crowded doctor’s office.
As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, “Yes sir, may we help you?”
“There’s something wrong with my dick,” he replied.
The receptionist became aggravated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say things like that.”
“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” he said.
“We do not use language like that here,” she said. “Please go outside and come back in and say that there’s something wrong with your ‘ear’ or whatever.”
The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, “Yes?”
“There’s something wrong with my ‘ear’,” he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly, “And what is wrong with your ear, sir?”
“I can’t piss out of it,” the man replied!
One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a
long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell
Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, “God,
we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone
people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was
done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this, let’s say we have a man
making contest.”
To which the scientist replied, “OK, great!”
But God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old
days with Adam.”
The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a
handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”
Your mama is so stupid she sold her car for gas money
Two sheepherders are perfoming unnatural acts with two of their herd
simultaneously. One turns to the other, disgustedly, and says,
“I hear they’re doing this to women in Chicago!”