Yo Momma Jackpot!

Yo mama’s like…

– Yo mama’s like a T.V., even a two-year-old could turn her on.
– Yo mama’s like a bowling ball. She’s picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more.
– Yo mama’s like a rifle…four cocks and she’s loaded.
– Yo mama’s like a bubble gum machine…five cents a blow.
– Yo mama’s like Chinese food…sweet, sour, and cheap.
– Yo mama’s like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
– Yo mama’s like Burger King… Your way, right away.
– Yo mama’s like a squirrel, she’s always got some nuts in her mouth.
– Yo mama’s like 7-Eleven… open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.
– Yo mama’s like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit.
– Yo mama’s like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.
– Yo mama’s like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.
– Yo mama’s like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.
– Yo mama’s like a 747, she has a very large cockpit.
– Yo mama’s like a microwave, one button and she’s hot.
– Yo mama’s like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.
– Yo mama’s like a mail box, open day and night.
– Yo mama’s like a bag of potato chips, “Free-To-Lay.”
– Yo mama’s like a turtle, once she’s on her back she’s fucked.
– Yo mama’s like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.
– Yo mama’s like a bowling ball, you can fit three fingers in.
– Yo mama’s like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.
– Yo mama’s like cheap liquor, tastes like shit.
– Yo mama’s like an aircraft carrier, has a flat top, a big bottom, cruises up and down the coast, and picks up 100 sailors in every port.
– Yo mama’s like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.
– Yo mama’s like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
– Yo mama’s like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
– Yo mama’s like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.
– Yo mama’s like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.
– Yo mama’s like Pizza Hut, if she isn’t there in 30 minutes… it’s free.
– Yo mama’s like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.
– Yo mama’s like a carpenter’s dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.
– Yo mama’s like a gas station… you gotta pay before you pump.
– Yo mama’s like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
– Yo mama’s like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.
– Yo mama’s like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.
– Yo mama’s like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
– Yo mama’s like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.
– Yo mama’s like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
– Yo mama’s like a race car driver… she burns a lot of rubbers.
– Yo mama’s like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.
– Yo mama’s like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
– Yo mama’s like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
– Yo mama’s like a Toyota, “OOooh what a feeling!”
– Yo mama’s like a vacuum cleaner… a real good suck.
– Yo mama’s like a vacuum cleaner… she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.
– Yo mama’s like an ice cream cone… everyone gets a lick.
– Yo mama’s like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.
– Yo mama’s like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
– Yo mama’s like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
– Yo mama’s like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.
– Yo mama’s like Denny’s… open 24 hours.
– Yo mama’s like McDonalds… Billions and Billions served.
– Yo mama’s like McDonalds… What you want is what you get.
– Yo mama’s like mustard, she spreads easy.
– Yo mama’s like the Pillsbury dough boy… everybody pokes her.
– Yo mama’s like lettuce, $1 a head.
– Yo mama’s like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.
Your momma is so fat… the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs!
– Yo momma is so ugly, she entered and ugly contest and one of the judges said “Sorry…No proffessionals allowed!!!”
-Yo momma’s so fat, when the lord said – “Let There Be Light”, he had to ask her to move over!
-Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow that when she smiles, people SLOW DOWN!
-Yo mama is so fat, she walked into a resturant took one look at the menu and said,”yes please!”
-Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!
-Yo momma’s so fat she had to get baptised at Sea World!
-Whenever your mamma farts, she causes a continental drift!
-Yo momma’s so fat even if she was the last person alive, the world would still be over populated!

Hi Ladies

A young boy on his way home from school must pass a group of hookers.
Every day as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with their pinkies and say ‘Hi there, little boy.’

One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always wave at him with their pinkies.

She replies, ‘Well, that is what size we imagine your penis to be… it is just a joke.’

The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says, ‘Hi there ladies!’

Wish mountain

three people are at the top of a wish mountain. on this wish mountain as u slide down whatever u wish 4 comes true. the first guy slides down and wishes he was rich. he gets to the bottom and lands in a pot of gold. the second guy slides down and wishes for a trip to hawaii. when he gets to the bottom he is in hawaii. The third slides down. on the way down he is havin so much fun he screams “WEEEEEEEEE!” when he gets t3 the bottom he lands in a puddle of wee (piss).

Manual pr�ctico para entender el

Manual pr�ctico para entender el espa�ol de los hombres

Si un hombre dice:

Tengo hambre = Tengo hambre.
Tengo sue�o = Tengo sue�o.
Estoy cansado = Estoy cansado.
Hablemos = Estoy tratando de impresionarte, para que pienses que soy un hombre profundo y accedas a tener sexo conmigo (comprobado).
Pareces tensa, �te doy un masaje? = Primero te meto mano, despu�s quiero sexo contigo.
�Me concedes esta pieza? = Quiero un agarre y despu�s sexo contigo.
�Te gustar�a ir al cine conmigo? = Quiero sexo contigo.
�Quieres cenar conmigo hoy en la noche? = Quiero sexo contigo.
�Te puedo llamar el viernes? = Quiero sexo contigo.
�Te quieres casar conmigo? = Quiero que sea ilegal para ti acostarte con otro hombre que no sea yo.
(De compras) s�, s�, mi amor, te queda bonito = Ag�rralo de una vez y v�monos ya �carajo!
Qu� bonito ese vestido = �Qu� buena est�s!
S�, s�, est� bien tu nuevo corte = Te quedaba mejor el anterior.
S�, te queda bien el nuevo corte = 100 soles… �pa’ la basura!
Pero, �cu�l es el problema? = No entiendo la tragedia.
�Qu� te pasa? = �Qu� trauma psicol�gico auto-inventado te afecta hoy?
�Est�s molesta? = Me imagino que esta noche, nada de sexo.
Estoy aburrido = Quiero ir a emborracharme con mis amigos.
Te amo = Necesito sexo… �ya!
Yo tambi�n te amo = Ok, �est�s contenta? �Podemos comenzar con el sexo?

The Top 16 Faux Pas Committed at Tailgate Parties

16> Cleaning off the grill between seasons.

15> Your choice of “rowdy” music? “Ambient Sounds of the Tropical Rainforest.”

14> Using cheap French cheese instead of fine American cheese in the fondue pot.

13> Distributing your PETA literature.

12> “You do know that Bear Bryant was a cross-dresser, right?”

11> Cutting a hole in the crotch of the life-sized cardboard Joe Paterno, then sticking a hot dog through it.

10> Funneling white wine with red meat.

9> A good rule of thumb regarding centerpieces: People who bring centerpieces to a tailgate party SHOULD BE SHOT ON SIGHT!!!!

8> Using the salad tongs to scratch your crotch.

7> Any serious tailgater knows that only an oatmeal stout can stand up to a pancake breakfast.

6> Bringing along your “Martha Stewart’s Prized Tailgate Recipes” cookbook.

5> The tofu chili was bad enough, but it was your braised passion fruit and kelp salad with spelt-rhubarb dressing that sealed the deal.

4> Letting those “Queer Eye” guys talk you into bringing a veggie tray.

3> Lying down in a parking spot and making “oil angels.”

2> “Hey guys, since we’re missing church and all, why don’t we have a little Bible study right here?”

1> Acceptable: Showing off by playing around with the ol’ pigskin. Not acceptable: Doing so with the ol’ foreskin.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

Bombed Outta My Head

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop
stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a
book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for
fun. They then landed, to survey the damage they caused.
The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and
holding a book. Then they saw another small child, crying
and holding a brick. Then they saw a small child laughing
his head off.
“What’s so funny?” they asked him.

“It was great,” he said. “I farted and my neighbor’s house
blew up.”

En el convento del pueblo

En el convento del pueblo estaba como interna una monjita que era demasiado grosera; siempre que estaban platicando con sus compa�eras de cualquier cosa ella decia muchas groser�as. Las dem�s ya estaban cansadas de ella y en una platica que tuvieron llegaron a la conclusi�n de que cuando la monja grosera dijera una de sus groser�as la dejar�an sola en el lugar en que estuvieran.

En una ocasi�n estaban platicando de la guerra y sus consecuencias, y una de ellas dijo:

“Si yo pudiera mandar�a un cami�n lleno de alimentos para toda esa pobre gente que no tiene que comer.”

Otra dijo:

“Si yo pudiera mandar�a un cami�n lleno de medicinas para los pobres enfermos.”

Y en eso dice la monja grosera:

“Si yo pudiera mandar�a un cami�n lleno de putas para todos esos cabrones.”

Y de repente todas las monjas se paran de sus lugares y se dirigen a la puerta y la monja grosera les dice:

�ESPERENSE, PENDEJAS TODAVIA NO LLEGA EL CAMION!