Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A. “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”
Author: admin
KFC
Why did the blonde go to KFC?
She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99
Llega un paciente al consultorio
Llega un paciente al consultorio del Doctor de la localidad y le dice que quiere que le haga una revisi�n de rutina. Le dice el Doctor al paciente, “Pase para all� atr�s y desn�dese.” El hombre se queda desconcertado y le contesta, “Pero Doctor, s�lo vengo a que me haga un chequeo �por qu� tengo que desnudarme?”
Y el Doctor un poco molesto le replica, “Ap�rese que tengo que dar m�s consulta.”
Y vuelve a decir el paciente, “Pero Doctor es s�lo una revisi�n normal.”
Total que el buen hombre se desnuda y le dice el doctor, “Incl�nese hacia adelante.”
Y el paciente hac�a lo que el m�dico le ordenaba y ya despu�s de esto le dice otra vez el Doctor “�Le duele la cabeza?”
Y le contesta el pobre paciente, “No Doctor no me duele.”
Y el Doctor le dice, “Pues ah� le va el resto…”
Bad News
What’s worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD? Having your dentist tell you.
Understanding women
I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand
how they can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
Why Are Some Hairs White?
Why Are Some Hairs White?
One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.
She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, “Momma, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”
Bear trap
An old guy walks into a bar on night. and was telling about all of his hunting experiences and one guy asked him what is the most painful momet you have had hunting. and he said he was hunting deer in canada and had to take a shit. So he found a tree and leaned against it and when his balls saged down a bear trap jumped up and grabed his balls.and he jumed into the air.And the guy said wow I can see why that is the most painful momet ever and he said no that is only the second most painful momet. The most painful was when I ran out of chain.
Confession
It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to
confess, so he went to his Priest. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
During WWll, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.” “Well,” answered the Priest,
“That’s no a sin.” “But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed.”
“I admit that wasn’t good, but you did it for a good cause.” “Oh thank you
Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.” “What is it
son?” “Do I now have to tell him the war is over?”
Microsoft Engineer
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion. “Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it’ll work!?”
Happily Addicted to the Web!
Happily Addicted to the Web (Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)
Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’, From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’, I’m happy–although My boss let me go– Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There’s beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web.
Friends come by; they shake me,Saying, “Yo, man! Don’t you know tonight’s the senior prom?” With a listless shrug, I mutter, “No, man; I just discovered letterman-dot-com!”
I don’t phone, don’t send faxes, Don’t go out, don’t pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? I’m happily addicted to the Web!
Winners circle
Did you hear about the polish lottery? If you win a million dollars, You get a dollar every year, for a million years.
Fellowship of Blondes
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”
She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.”
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”