If you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.
Author: admin
Midget Faggot
Q: What is the difference between a regular faggot and a midget faggot?
A: Regulars come out of the closet; midgets come out of the cupboard.
Grandma’s Visit
Last December, a grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.”
She continued, “There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in,and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Grandma, that sounds easy,” replied the grandson, “but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow”?
To which she answered, “You’re coming empty handed?”
Red Phone
A visitor to the vatican met with the Pope and noticed a red phone sitting on his desk.
What’s that for?, he asked.
“Oh, that’s the direct line to the Lord” said the Pope.
The visitor said, “Wow, how much is a call?”
The Pope answered, “$2,000 per minute.”
A few days later the same visitor met the Israeli Prime Minister and noticed a red phone on his desk.
“What’s that for?”, he asked. “Oh, that’s the direct line to the Lord” said the Prime Minister.
The visitor asked “How much is a call?”
The Prime Minister said “20 cents per minute.”
The astonsished visitor said, “It can’t be. I just saw the Pope who said a call to the Lord is $2,000 per minute.”
The Prime Minister answered, “That was long distance, here the Lord is just a local call.”
Chicken Wire
An old man was sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana
watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor’s kid walk by
carrying something big under his arm. He yells out “Hey boy,
whatcha got there?”
Boy yells back “Roll of chicken wire.”
Old man says “What you gonna do with that?”
Boy says “Gonna catch some chickens.”
Old man yells “You damn fool, you can’t catch chickens with
chicken wire!”
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old
man’s surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with
about 30 chickens caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise
and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in
his hand.
Old man yells out “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”
Boy yells back “Roll of duck tape.”
Old man says “What you gonna do with that?”
Boy says back “Gonna catch me some ducks.”
Old man yells back, “You damn fool, you can’t catch ducks with
duck tape!”
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the
old man’s amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll
of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by
carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the
end. Old man says “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”
Boy says “It’s a pussy willow.
Old man says “Wait up…. I’ll get my hat.”
En un reino el rey
En un reino el rey busca a su hija por todos lados, despu�s de tanto buscar la encuentra en el granero en una org�a, con un campesino un militar y un cura.
Desesperado el rey, despu�s de formarle tremendo pedo, le dice a la hija que se tiene que casar con uno de ellos, a lo que la hija contesta que los quiere a los tres. El rey sale hablar con los tres tipos y les dice que el que le diga la frase que mas le impacte con las palabras valiente y brillante se casar� con su hija.
Viene el cura y dice: “valiente soy yo, brillante es mi altar, pum pum hacen las campanas al resonar.”
Bien, dice el rey, viene el militar y dice: “valiente soy yo, brillante el la punta de mi espada, pum pum hacen mis ca�ones en los campos de batalla.”
Excelente dice el rey aplaudiendo, viene el campesino y piensa “concha de la madre y ahora que digo, bueno, que sea lo que dios quiera”
Y dice:
“Valiente soy, brillante es la cabeza de mi pija, pum pum hacen mis huevos contra la concha de su hija.”
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in…
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Big Head
Becky: Oh, Kate, you would not believe it! I gave a blowjob to a
guy last night that had a fourteen-inch dick. It was HUGE! I
wanted to fuck him so bad!
Kate: Did you tell him you wanted to fuck him instead?
Becky: Nah, that would have given him a big head.
Camels
One day Osama bin laden and one of his followers were on a camel riding through a town.
When they got out of the town Osama Bin Laden got off the camel and lifted up the camels tail and looked at its arse.
The follower said what are you doing?
Osama replied “A man in the town shouted look at those to arseholes on that camel””!!
“
The Bakery Called, Fatty
The bakery called — they want their rolls back!
A quick witted astronaut, Dwight,…
A quick witted astronaut, Dwight,
When asked about his upcoming flight,
Did he have worry one
‘Bout landing on the sun ?
“Heck no, we’re landing at night!”
Employer: “In this job we
Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”