Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with self hypnosis.To her joy, everything got much better. However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes. This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him. There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this therapeutic technique: “She’s not my wife… She’s not my wife… She’s not my wife…”
Author: admin
Vocabulary: Female vs. Male
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car’s hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s
partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a
weekend with the boys.
BUTT (but) n
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured
makes “look bigger.”
male: What you slap when someone’s scored a touchdown, home run,
or goal.
Also good for mooning.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s
girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male: Anything that can be done while drinking
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and
male bonding.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 1/2
minutes.
What’s invisible & smells like carrots?
What’s invisible & smells like carrots?
Bunny Farts!
Superman
This guy walks into a bar. It was on the second floor.
He sits down and another guy walks up to him. He was dead drunk.
He said, “I betcha I can jump out that thar winder and come right back up.”
The other guy said, “Yeah right.” Well, the guy jumped out the window.
“Oh my god, he actually did it,” said the other guy. The drunk guy seemed to float right back up to the top.
“How did you do that?”
“Well, the air currents hitting the building slowly pushed me back up to the top, you wanna try it?”
“Alright, get out of the way!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” SPLAT
The drunk guy walked and sat down at the bar. The bartender said, “Damn it Superman, you’re mean when you’re drunk!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Advanced Children
A Father came home and found his 8 year old boy sitting on the front porch smoking a cigar. He marched up to the lad, removed the cigar from the boy’s mouth and said, “I suppose you’re going to tell me that you’re sitting there smoking that cigar because you just became a Father.”
“Hell no Dad.” said the boy, “Cindy ain’t even reached puberty yet.”
These two kids about 12
These two kids about 12 or 13 go to confession. The first one goes into
the confessional and admits having sex with a girl.
The priest says, “It wasn’t Carmen Angelozi was it”?
The kid says “No father, it wasn’t”.
The priest says, “It wasn’t Angela Fetucini was it”?
The kid replies, “No father, it wasn’t”.
The priest then says, “It wasn’t Maria Carmella was it”?
The kid once again says, “No father it wasn’t”.
The priest then says, “Well, for your pennance say 50 Hail Mary’s and leave
half your allowance in the offering for 2 weeks”.
When the kid leaves the confessional his friend asks him how it went to
which he replies, “not bad and I got 3 leads.”
Yo mama so ugly…
Yo mama so ugly she makes Michael Jackson look pretty.
Weather bureau
Wife: Who was that on the phone?
Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau.
Wife: What did he say?
Husband: He asked if the coast was clear…
Who’s the Father?
The girl admitted under parental questioning that she was pregnant, but couldn’t say who was responsible.
“All right !” bellowed her Mother, “you march yourself to your room, and don’t come out until you can give us a definite answer.”
Later that night her voice rang down the stairs. “Hey Mom, I think I have an idea now.”
“I should hope so !” the Mother responded. “The very idea that any daughter of mine could get pregnant, let alone not know the father.”
“Chill Mom.” the girl said. “I got it narrowed down to the band or the football team.”
Cant produces countercant.
Cant produces countercant.
yo mommas teeth so yellow , every time she…
yo mommas teeth so yellow , every time she go on the street and smile cars slow down
10 reasons why a dog doesn`t use a computer!
10. T0o0p hqa5rxd 6tt0[o 6ty[p3e 2w9igtjh;pa3wds (It`s hard to type with paws)
9. ‘Sit’ and ‘stay’ were hard enough; ‘delete’ and ‘save’ are out of the question.
8. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
7. Carpal Paw Syndrome.
6. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway he`s browsing www.purina.com or the ’50 ways to skin a cat’ sites.
5. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrates.
4. Can`t help attacking the screen when he hears, ‘you`ve got mail’.
3. Too messy to mark every Web site he visits.
2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
1. Can`t stick his head out of Windows 98.