Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
Author: admin
Hackers do it when the system goes down….
Hackers do it when the system goes down.
Guy spits into glass
There’s a guy in a bar, it’s late, and the guy and the bartender are the only ones left in the bar.
The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, “If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me $50?”
The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, “ok, show me”
The guy then spits, and makes it in the glass, without getting any on the counter or the floor.
The bartender say, “That’s amazing! You deserve the $50!”
The next day, about noon, the guy’s in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if he could do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would be give him $100?
The bartender agrees, and the guy spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else. Than the evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks glass all over the bar. He than says to the guy, “if you can spit in all of these glass at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I’ll give you $200”
The guy says, “Sure, but I need a little time to get ready”
So after a minute, the guy comes up, and procceds to spit everywhere at lightning speed. the bartender, seeing that the guy has missed every single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys than pays the bartender, and says, “I don’t see what you’re so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner $500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you’d be happy about it.”
A bunch of One Liners
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.OK, so what’s the speed of dark?All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
The rope case
A blonde and two brunettes are hanging on ropes that are 45 above the ground. One of the brunettes ropes are about to break so she moves her hand across the rope too hold the two breaking points together. She does it sucessfully so then the blone was so proud of her bravery that she decides to calp for her.
Q. What do old women have between their breasts…
Q. What do old women have between their breasts that young
women don’t?
A. A bellybutton!
Classified Ad:…
Classified Ad:
Ground Beast: 99 Cents Lb.
Female Lab Report
OBSERVATION:
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don’t, you are not a man.
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don’t, you are good for nothing.
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing. If you don’t, you are not understanding.
If you make romance, you are an ‘experienced man’. If you don’t you are half a man.
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don’t, she accuses you of double crossing.
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you don’t, you are a dull boy.
If you are jealous, she says it’s bad. If you don’t , she thinks you do not love her.
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her. If you don’t, she thinks you do not like her.
If you are a minute late, she complains it’s hard to wait. If she is late, she says that’s a girl’s way.
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, ‘oh it’s natural, we are girls.
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. If you do, she thinks it’s just one of the man’s tactics.
If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting. If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
If you talk, she wants you to listen. If you listen, she wants you to talk.
ANALYSIS:
These creatures So simple, So weak, So confusing
CONCLUSION:
It is a wonder that these “WOMEN” are able to survive in the world. All test results have indicated that “WOMEN” are irrational. Precaution is advised when handling them.
THE BARBERSHOP
ONCE A BLONDE,BRUNET,AND REDHEAD WALKED INTO A BARBERSHOP.THE BARBERSHOP MAN LOOKED AT THE REDHEAD AND SAID,”WHY YOU HAVE LOVELY RED HAIR”.THE REDHEAD STROKED HER HAIR AND SAID,”ITS NATURAL”.
THEN HE LOOKED AT THE BRUNET AND SAID,”WHY YOU HAVE LOVELY DARK HAIR”.THE BRUNET RAN HER FINGERS THROUGH HERS AND SAID”ITS ALL NATURAL”.
THEN HE LOOKED AT THE BLONDE AND SAID,”WHAT LOVELY GREEN HAIR YOU HAVE”.THE BLONDE SAID WHILE STARTING AT HER NOSE AND RUBED UP THRUOGH HER HAIR.”ITS ALL NATURAL”.
Oh GodOh God
� A priest saw a girl removin her blouse. He prayed. “God please close my eyes.”
When he opened his eyes the girl was naked. This time he prayed, “God please close your eyes.”
� A priest saw a girl removin her blouse. He prayed. “God please close my eyes.”
When he opened his eyes the girl was naked. This time he prayed, “God please close your eyes.”
Toast and Cats
Toast always lands butter-side down.
And cats always land on their feet.
What would happen if you spread butter on a cat’s back and dropped it out of a window?
Ode to Osama
oh osama bin laden
you son of a bitch
may your balls develop
a 7 year itch
may your pecker be twisted
in such a manner
that your a****** whistles
the star spangled banner!