There was a single man whose face was unshaven and he had bags
under his eyes, and he dragged his feet on the street. The man
walked into a bar and said “Ouch!”
Author: admin
Cabbage,Cucumber and Penis
There is a cabbage a cucumber and a penis on a shelf. One day the cucumber is crying so the other two ask what is wrong. He says when I get big fat and juicy I get chopped in half and I get eaten and the other two say there really sorry for him.
The next day the cabbage is really upset so the other two go over and ask what is wrong. He says when I grow big fat and juicy I get chopped into lots of little pieces and get eaten. And the other two are really upset for him.
The next day the penis is crying his eyes out so the cabbage and cucumber go over and ask what is wrong and he says when I get big fat and juicy I get a rubber tent shoved over my head get rammed into a dark hole and get bounced off the walls until im sick.
Christmas On The Plains
CHRISTMAS ON THE PLAINS
(For any Auburn Fans, such as my poor misguided brother)
Twas a few weeks before Christmas, and all through the South,The Bama fans
were hiding and shutting their mouths.
Dubose was looking, but could find only a few,
For they knew it was time to face the big Orange and Blue.
The fans were all crying and begging for “Bear”,
The last place they wanted to be was Jordan-Hare.
They came into town with their hopes oh so high,
But Crimson couldn’t shine through that Orange and Blue sky.
They were all in the stadium yelling “Roll Tide!”,
And waving their pom-poms with that big Bama Pride.
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from their seats to see what was the matter.
Kitchens flanked to his right and rolled to his left,
And threw the ball to Scissum in spite of himself.
Scissum was hit by Houston, and the ball recovered by Reese,And then, there on
Bama faces was nothing but grief.
Holmes gave it a kick, and through the goal post it flew,And the field was
covered with all Orange and Blue.
We heard Holmes exclaim as the ball went out of sight,
WAR EAGLE TO ALL AND TO ALL A GREAT NIGHT!
Now, as we go to Atlanta, we’ll leave the TIDE some CHEER,We can forget “Punt
Bama Punt” this 25th year……….
For now we have a new phrase that will surely last,
WAR EAGLE TO ALL AND “Pass Bama Pass”!!!!!!!
Lucky in Love (and the virus)
Around the office, many people are declaring themselves “lucky in love,” having received dozens of unsolicited emails carrying the virus with “love” in the subject header. Others complain they aren’t being “loved enough,” having received none at all.
Un t�o llega a un
Un t�o llega a un Hotel, y le pregunta al recepcionista:
“�Tiene habitaciones libres?”.
“La �nica que me queda tiene que ser para un levantador de pesas.”
“�Por qu�?, responde el t�o.
“Porque tiene que sujetar con las manos la litera en la que duerme su compa�ero!”
Tax deduction
Q: Are birth control pills tax deductible?
A: Only if they don’t work.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Little Nancy’s Pet
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her
neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the
little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up
to there, Nancy?”
“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without
looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for
a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then
replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid cat.”
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ
There was a little boy who wanted to know the alphabet. He went to his teacher
and said “Teacher, teach me the alphabet, but make it quick ’cause I have to go
to the bathroom. “Okay,” she said. “Recite the alphabet, please.” (read this
part carefully) “ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ,” “where’s the “P” asks the teacher.
“running down my leg,” answers the boy.
La maestra le pregunta a
La maestra le pregunta a los ni�os:
“A ver ni�os �qu� es la luz? Aj�, Pedrito dime.”
“Bueno, maestra la luz es una fuente de energ�a.”
“Muy bien. �Alguien m�s? S�, Pepito �qu� es la luz?”
“Bueno, maestra la LUZ SE COME.”
“�Se come? �C�mo es eso? Expl�cate.
“Bueno, maestra, la luz se come porque ayer o� a mi pap� dici�ndole a mi mam�:
“Apaga la luz que hoy te la comes todita.”
Quiz for Men
1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers
3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don’t miss SportsCenter
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you’ve just had sex with is:
a) The best part of the experience
b) The second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra
6. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours
b) Not a problem – she can join your gym
c) A conservative estimate
7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:
a) A myth
b) An oxymoron
c) A moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Appetizer is to entree
b) Priming is to painting
c) A queue is to an amusement park ride
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
a) “I hope we can still be friends.”
b) “I’m not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone….”
c) “Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.”
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
b) Is uptight and a waste of time
c) Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place
There Are 3 Pregnant Chicks. The First One…
There Are 3 Pregnant Chicks. The First One Was A Burnette And She Said I Think I Will Have A Boy Because I Was On The Bottom.
The Second One Was a Red Head And She Said I Think I Will Have A Girl Because I Was On Top.
The Third One Was A Blonde And She Said OOO IM Gonna Have Puppies Because I Did It DOGGY STYLE!!
Caterer
What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association
convention?
The caterer.