No Beating Around The BushGee Miss., I know I haven’t know you for a very long time, and I shouldn’t be asking this so soon. But, I really do need it very badly. I haven’t had any in a very long time. I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me, no one would ever need to know. I an sure you can satisfy my needs and I’d be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and really need your help. You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but, I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking all the juices out until it’s dry. It has been on my mind all day and, Well, I’m not going to beat around the bush no more… Can I have a piece of your gum?
Author: admin
Farmer Brown
Farmer Brown had been screwing one of his pigs for 5 years, when all of a sudden he was hit by pangs of conscience.
It bothered him so much that he decided that he just had to tell his priest about it in confession.
The priest was shocked and could only say to Farmer Brown, “Well, was the pig a male or a female?”
“A female, of course,” shouted Farmer Brown!. “What do you think I am…some sort of queer?”
Billy Ray Cyrus vs. Prostitute
What’s the difference between Billy Ray Cyrus and a prostitute?
Billy Ray Cyrus has an achy breaky heart and a prostitute has an
itchy twitchy twat!
The 3 rings of marriage
Marriage consists of only 3 rings:
An engagement RING,
A wedding RING,
And suffeRING.
The cactus joke
Q. Why did the cactus cross the road?
A. He was stuck to the chicken!
A women recently called the police to report…
A women recently called the police to report that her home was
being invaded by elves. However a search of the premises by the Elf
Squad revealed nothing amiss. When asked how the elves gained
entrance, the woman replied, “They came in through that window.”
“But that’s a blank wall,” the officer in charge remarked,
“There’s no window there.”
“Not any more, there isn’t,” the women agreed, “They took it
with them when they left.”
Golf Genie
There was this middle-aged couple playing golf The wife whacked the ball in the wrong direction and the ball went soaring into a nearby bungalow’s window The two ran to the bungalow and there they found a man with a turban on his head, sitting next to a broken vase They apologised for breaking the vase and the man in the turban said “You have done me a great favour – I am a genie and you have released me. For this you can both have one wish each” The wife wished to be a pro-golfer – the Genie said “In the morning you will be better than Tiger Woods” The husband wished for a Million dollars – the Genie said “In the morning you will be a Million dollars richer.” The Genie then said “But, in order for the wishes to come true, I will have to make love to your wife”. They decided (as being a pro-golfer and million dollars richer) it was a reasonable price to pay for the wish to come true.. The Genie took the wife to the room and started really screwing her with passion and speed. But suddenly, halfway through he stopped.”How old is your husband”, the genie asked the wife.”46″ the wife replied.”And he still believes in Genies…..??”
193 years old
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were
thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St.
Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer
was standing, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants
took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and
into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this
attention, but what makes me so special?” St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added
up all the hours that you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be
about 193 years old!”
Janet is that you?
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks.
Hillary said to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.”
Janet responded, “Just because I am esthetically challenged (that’s “politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.”
Hillary asks, “Well, how do you deal with the problem?”
Janet, “Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can.”
That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him.
She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Bill rolls over and says, “Janet, is that you?
Uncle Charlie
A teacher was giving class lessons in morals and asked for examples.
Little Mary stood up and said,
‘My father is a chicken farmer and when we collect the eggs each morning, we take more than one basket, so you don’t put all your eggs in one basket.’
‘Very good, Mary,’ said the teacher. ‘Any more morals?’
Little Johnny stands up.
‘During the war,’ he says, ‘my Uncle Charlie was alone in a fox-hole with a rifle and a bottle of whisky.’
‘A whole German battalion was approaching him, so he had a big gulp of the whisky and fired all his bullets at the Germans, killing at least 100. He fell back into the fox-hole, took another large swig of whisky and ran out and used his bayonet and rifle butt to kill all the Germans left.’
‘That’s very brave of your uncle,’ said the teacher, ‘but where’s the moral to the story?’
‘Well.’ said Johnny, ‘You don’t f*** around with Uncle Charlie when he’s been on the piss.’
Infinite Wisdom, Wealth or Beauty
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.”Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.One of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.”The dean sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”
Wood-Eye
Once upon a time there was this young boy who was born with one eye. So
his father made him a wood-eye. One day when the boy got older he had
heard from a friend that there was a dance at the town’s local bar. He
begged his father if he could go and is father said sure. When he got
there he felt all alone because he was the only one with a handicap. Then
across the room there sat a girl who also had a handicap. She had a
hairlip. He looked at her and said, “Would you like to dance!” The girl
looked at him and said, “Would I!” He then looked at the girl and said,
“Wood-eye! Don’t call me wood-eye you pussy faced son-of-a-bitch!”