Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: “Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)”On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: “Safety ladder, climb at own risk.” Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA “Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!” Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: “Run like Anything!” Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) “Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends.”
Author: admin
Opportunity
A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
-Jay London
10 Things not to do while on a Train
(1)Make heaps of noise
(2)Don’t annoy the other passengers
(3)Jump around like a monkey
(4)Chew your gum loudly
(5)Whatever you do don’t stare at another person even if you
think its your favourite movie star,because if they yell at you,
you surely will not like that person anymore
(6)Don’t tap your feet or you will be tapped on the back by some
big dude to tell you to shut the hell up
(7)pop a bag really loudly
(8)Don’t let your watch be seen or everybody will want it
(includes other items like:
jewellry,bags,sunglasses,hats,earings etc etc
(9)Don’t wave to someone like their an aeroplane up in the sky
or say:DO I KNOW YOU
(10)The most thing to not do on a Train is to smile and be happy
because everybody is scared of each other thats why nobody
smiles on a Train, so if i catch you smiling on a Train or
really happy looking, don’t expect to walk or better yet run out
of a Train alive
Un d�a en que Jes�s
Un d�a en que Jes�s y todos sus ap�stoles estaban reunidos en la mesa, y habiendo consumido los sagrados alimentos, sus disc�pulos advirtieron que Jes�s estaba muy triste y decidieron preguntarle la raz�n de su estado de �nimo, a lo que �l les respondi�:
“Hijos m�os, la verdad es que me duele saber que uno de ustedes me va a traicionar.”
Sin saber que decir, uno de los ap�stoles se atrevi� a preguntar:
“�Acaso ser� yo Se�or?”
“No hijo, respondi� Jes�s, no eres t�.”
Y as� siguieron preguntando de uno en uno.
Cuando le lleg� el turno a Judas, �ste, con una voz temblorosa, pregunt�:
“�Acaso ser� yo Se�or?”
A lo que Jes�s le contest�:
“�YO NO HABLO CON CULEROS, WEY!”
Tv dinner
me and my tv went out to dinner yesterday i had the the occasional tv dinner my tv had the satalite dish!
Gay Frogs
Q: What did one gay frog say to the other?
A: Rub-it Rub-it
Cross With A Blonde
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: I don’t know, there are some things even a blonde won’t do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won’t stop until it gets blood.
Polak Impersonating An Italian
There was once a hillbilly who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat back and thought about it.
Suddenly he thought – “I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am a hillbilly and make fun of me.”
He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, “I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini.”
Immediately, the man behind the counter said “Are you a hillbilly?” This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, “Are you a hillbilly or not?”
This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner’s discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, “But how did you know?”
The shopkeeper replied, “This is a hardware store!”
Hundred bucks
Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.
Marry Me
He really loved her but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage, much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, “Judith?”
“Yes, this is Judith.” “Will you marry me?” “Of course. Who’s speaking?”
Horse in Bar
One day, a bar owner decided he had enough of the slow business and needed a gimmick. He finally decided on one. He got a horse and put it in the bar. He placed a sign over the horse and had the sign read.
“Pay $100, make the horse laugh win $1000” For years, the gimmick worked. Finally, a man walked into the bar saw the sign and asked, “Is that sign for real?” The bar owner told him it was.
The man paid $100, walked up to the horse and whispered something to the horse. The horse started to laugh falling to his knees.
The next day, the owner changed the sign.
Pay $100, make the horse cry, win $1000. For years the gimmick worked. One day, the same man walked into the bar and saw the sign. He paid the bar owner $100 and asked for a curtain. The man closed the curtain and then opened it a couple of moments later. The horse was now crying up a storm.
The man walked up to the bar owner and asked for his money. “Not so fast”, the bar owner said, “First you have to tell me what you did both times!” “Simple”, said the man, “First I told him I was bigger, this time I proved it”
What Can I Get?
A man walks into a pharmacy and goes to the counter. Standing behind the counter is a young woman.
“May I speak to the pharmacist?” he asks.
“Well,” she replies, “I am the pharmacist.”
He looks very uncomfortable, and asks for a *male* pharmacist, as he has a “male problem.”
She informs him that only she and her sister work at this particular establishment.
He blushes and says, “Well, I really do need help, so I guess I’ll ask you… I have a problem. I have a constant erection, and nothing I do seems to get rid of it. It’s been like this for three months now. Can you give me anything for it?”
The woman looks thoughtful, and says, “Hold on, I’ll go in back and ask my sister.”
After a couple of minutes she returns and says, “We’ll give you half of the business and it’s profits, but that’s all we can give you for it…”