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For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests.So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra.After 30 years of astute care, My gyno, Dr. Pruitt, Said I should get a Mammogram.”O.K,” I said, “let’s do it.””Stand up here real close” she said, (She got my boob in line,) “And tell me when it hurts,” she said, “Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine.”She stepped upon a pedal, I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate came slamming down, My hooter’s in a vice!My skin was stretched and mangled, From underneath my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish Pancake thin.Excruciating pain I felt, Within it’s vice-like grip. A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit!”Take a deep breath” she said to me, Who does she think she’s kidding?!? My chest is mashed in her machine, And woozy I am getting.”There, that’s good,” I heard her say, (The room was slowly swaying.) “Now, let’s have a go at the other one.” Have mercy, I was praying.It squeezed me from both up and down, It squeezed me from both sides. I’ll bet SHE’S never had this done, To HER tender little hide.Next time that they make me do this, I will request a blindfold. I have no wish to see again, My knockers getting steamrolled.If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, It would have gone “ker-pow!”This machine was created by a man, Of this, I have no doubt. I’d like to stick his balls in there, And see how THEY come out.

A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full
of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer. He asks a nearby demon if this is really
hell, and what was so bad about the place.

“Well,” said the demon, “the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the
blondes don’t!”

Bullshit BingoDo you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here is a way to change all of that!How to play: Check off each block when you hear these words during a meeting, seminar, or phone call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout, “BULLSHIT!!!” Synergy Strategic Fit Gap Analysis Best Practice Bottom Line Revisit Bandwidth Hardball Out of the Loop Benchmark Value-Added Proactive Win-Win Think Outside the Box Fast Track Result-Driven Empower [or] Empowerment Knowledge Base Total Quality [or] Quality Driven Touch Base Mindset Client Focus[ed] Ball Park Game Plan LeverageTestimonials from satisfied players:”I had only been in the meeting for five minutes whenI won.” – Jack W. / Boston”My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically.” – David D. / Florida”What a gas. Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win.” – Bill R. / New York City”The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the 5th box.” – Ben G. / Denver”The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed ‘Bullshit’ for the third time in 2 hours.” – KathleenL. / Atlanta

What is a waterfall that goes upwards?…Viagrafalls