A German, a Pollock, and a Jew sit down at the bar.The Bartender says, “What is this, some kind of Joke?”
Author: admin
Un borracho decide pasar la
Un borracho decide pasar la noche en la esquina de la calle.
En eso pasa una persona muy r�pido y pocos segundos despu�s pasa un polic�a y le pregunta al borracho:
“�No vio quien dobl� la esquina?”
Y le responde el borracho:
“Ah no s�, cuando yo llegu� ya estaba as�.”
6 Shots of Whiskey
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
‘What can I get you?’ the barman asks.
‘I want six shots of whisky,’ responds the young man.
‘Six shots? Are you celebrating something?’
‘Yeah, my first blowjob.’
‘Well, in that case, let me give you a seventh on the house.’
The young man says, ‘No offence sir, but if six shots won’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.’
Blonde in the desert
a blonde, a red head and a brunet go to a desert. the red head asked the brunet what she is taking and she said a fan incase i get hot. the brunet asked the red head what she was taking and she said water incase i get thirsty. then they asked the blonde and she said i am taking a car door so i can roll down the window incase i get hot!!
A guy arrives at the pearly gates
A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted.St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, ‘I don’t really see that you ever really did anything great in your life, but I don’t see anything really bad either.”Tell you what,’ St. Peter says. ‘If you can tell me of one REALLY good deed you did in your life, I’ll let you in.’The guy thinks for a moment and says, ‘OK, well there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of ’em torturing this woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang members formed a circle around me.’So, I ripped the leader’s chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron,’ the guy says. ‘Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, ‘Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You’re all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you all a lesson in pain!’St. Peter, duly impressed, says ‘Wow! When did this happen?”Just a couple of minutes ago.’
Only a Blonde
Q. What do you do whan a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run, because she’s got a grenade in the other hand
The wife
The wife says: NoThe wife means: NoThe wife says: MaybeThe wife means: NoThe wife says: I’m sorryThe wife means: You’ll be sorry
Theres a guy with a 25-inch penis and is always…
Theres a guy with a 25-inch penis and is always wanting to get closer to the girls he is having sex with. One day he comes upon a witch and he tells her about his problem. She tells him about a frog who can make his penis smaller. All he had to do is make the frog say no and his penis would shrink 5-inches. So he goes to find the frog and ask the frog to marry him. The frog says no and hes down to 20-inches. He decides he wants to be closer so he ask the frog to marry him again, and again the frog said no and another 5-inches are gone. He decides he wants to be even closer so he ask the frog one more time to marry him. The frog said”How many times do I have to tell you?No, no, no, no, no.”
How Many Times Have You Cheated?
A wealthy business man and his wife are looking through a marriage-help book when his husband turns to his wife. ”It says here that the most important thing in a marriage is honesty. So let’s come to grips here. Honey… have you ever cheated on me? I’ve never cheated on you.”
He saw the twisted look on his wife’s face, and trying to supress his anger, he asked: ”How many times? And when?”
The wife responded, ”Well… you know that time when your company was broke, and you couldn’t get the landlord to let his pay slide for another month?”
The husband stared. ”You mean you’re the one who got him to?”
His wife knodded. The husband thought it over, then sighed. ”I guess that’s okay. Any other times?”
”Well… when you had that heart attack, and the doctor refused to give a heart transplant for the ammount of money we had at the time… I kinda…”
”Ah, you’re the one who made it possible.”
The husband looked honestly relieved. ”Well, that’s understandable, you saved my life. Any others?”
She nodded. ”One more.”
The husband leaned forward. ”Well… you remember the time when you were running for president of your company, and you were short by 17 votes…?”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Veal chop!Veal chop
Knock KnockWho’s there?Veal chop!Veal chop who?Veal chop for some new clothes!
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.126. Talk back to your “Rice Krispies.” All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, “No, I want to watch them suffer.”
Medical Miracles
A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, “We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking for work.”An Englishman said, “We are far more advanced than you. We can take the heart out of a man, perform surgery and have him ready for work in just 3 weeks.” The Irishman says, “That’s nothing; we can take a kidney out of a man, put into another man’s body and have them looking for work in 2 weeks.”The American says, “Well hell, that’s nothin’. We had an idiot taken out of Texas, put in the Whitehouse and now half the country is lookin’ for work!”