Author: admin

Three Flies

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Once there were three flies who decided to spend a night in some
person’s bathroom. The first fly slept in the bath, the second
fly spent the night in the basin and the last fly slept in the
toilet.

The next morning the three flies gathered together to chat. The
second fly asked the first, “How was your night?” The first fly
answered, “It was terrible, I was almost killed by this big
hairy thing that tried to swot me into some dirty water!”

The first fly then asked the second fly, “And you, how did you
sleep?” The second fly answered, “I hardly got any, during the
night I woke up and found myself in some water. I thought it the
end of me but I couldn’t give up. So I thrashed my legs about as
hard as I could, luckily I found a shiny rope to grab onto and
pull myself out
of the water.”

Both Flies then asked the third fly, “What about you, was your
night any better?” The third fly shook his head and replied, “It
was the worst night of my life, at first it was there was
peaceful and quiet but then all of sudden there was a massive
rumble of thunder. Out of no where a huge wall of water swept me
off my legs and I found myself being tossed about by huge
rapids. It must have been a flash flood or something. I tell you
guys, if it wasn’t for that log I would have drowned!”

36 things you’ll never hear from a Redneck!

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36 things you’ll never hear from a Redneck…

1. “I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex”
2. “Duct tape won’t fix that.”
3. “Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.”
4. “We don’t keep firearms in this house.”
5. “You can’t feed that to the dog.”
6. “I thought Graceland was tacky.”
7. “No kids in the back of the pick-up…it’s not safe.”
8. “Professional wresslin’s fake.”
9. “Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?”
10. “We’re vegetarians.”
11. “Do you think my hair is too big?”
12. “I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.”
13. “Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.”
14. “I don’t understand the appeal of NASCAR.”
15. “Give me the small bag of pork rinds.”
16. “Deer heads detract from the decor.”
17. “Spitting is such a nasty habit.”
18. “I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.”
19. “Trim the fat off that steak.”
20. “Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.”
21. “The tires on that truck are too big.”
22. “I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.”
23. “I’ve got it all on a floppy disk.”
24. “Unsweetened tea tastes better.”
25. “Would you like your fish poached or broiled?”
26. “My fiance is registered at Tiffany’s.”
27. “I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.”
28. “She’s too old to be wearing that bikini.”
29. “Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?”
30. “Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.”
31. “I don’t have a favorite college football team.”
32. “Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.”
33. “I believe you cooked those green beans too long.”
34. “Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.”
35. “Elvis who?”
36. “Checkmate”

What is Sex?

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A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, ”Mum, what’s sex?”His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, ”Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?”