Author: admin

Worst Pick-Up lines to use, even on a Blonde

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1) I just threw up!

2) You look just like a hooker I know in Detroit.

3) Miss, if you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the package it came in?

4) Hey baby! You look like you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

5) I’ve had quite a bit to drink, and your beginning to look pretty good.

6) Hello Susie! Your mom couldn’t make it this afternoon so she asked me to pick you up. My what a pretty dress!

7) Your face or mine?

8) Nice dress, could I talk you out of it?

9) I want to floss with your pubic hair.

10) I’d look good on you.

11) Excuse me. Have I fucked you yet?

12) Somebody farted! Lets get out of here.

Not a member

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A man was invited to play at his friend’s course and during the round he felt the call of nature, was far away from the toilets and so he went behind a tree believing that he was unobserved.

However, on a parallel fairway, three lady members were playing. As they passed they were surprised to observe just a very private part of a man’s anatomy protruding from around the tree.

“He’s certainly not my husband, I can tell, said the first lady, Disgusting”.

“I’m glad he’s not mine either,” said the second lady.

“It really is a damned cheek, said the third. That’s not even a club member!”

Blonde Painter

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Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,”Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?”

“Sure that sounds great!” said Julie.

“Well, how much do you want me to pay you?” asked the man.

“Is fifty bucks all right?” Julie asked.

“Yeah, great. You’ll find the paint and ladders you’ll need in the garage.”

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. “Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?” asked the wife. “Well, she must, she was standing right on it!” her husband replied.

About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door.

“I’m all finished,” she told the surprised homeowner.

The man was amazed. “You painted the whole porch?”

“Yeah,” Julie replied, “I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!”

The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.

“Oh, and by the way,” said Julie, “That’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Teen-age girls often have babies

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Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men: The Sunday Oregonian, September 24Low Wages Said Key to Poverty: Newsday, July 11Man shoots neighbor with machete: The Miami Herald, July 3Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes: The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30Real newspaper headlinesThese are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the United States and world.Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows: The New York Times, March 10Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies: The Los Angeles Times, March 2Scientists see quakes in L.A. future: The Oregonian, January 28Wachtler tells graduates that life in jail is demeaning: The Buffalo News, February 26Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold: Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26

Question of the Week

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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn’t have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, “How many grains of sand are in the beach?” Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, “How many stars are in the sky?” and again no one could answer.

Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag.

At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, “Here’s this week’s question,” Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, ” Okay, who’s the comedian with the black balls?”

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, “Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!”

Onestone

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There once was an Indian whose given name was “Onestone,” so named because he had only one testicle.

He hated that name and asked everyone to not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, “If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!”

The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day, a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, “Good morning, Onestone.”

He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant serious business. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, “Good to see you, Onestone.”

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he screwed her all day, screwed her all night, screwed her all the next day, screwed her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!!!

What is the moral of this story???

You can’t kill two birds with one stone!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo