whats the difference between a poultry breeder and a prostotute?
they both raise cocks for a living
Author: admin
Proof Santa is a Woman!
Santa Claus is a woman….I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen’s rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he’d still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:
Men can’t pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don’t answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a “bowlful of jelly.”
Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment!
Through The Desert O
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.”Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the first candidate.”Yes. You have no ears.” He quickly eliminated the first candidate.”Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the second candidate.”Yes. You have no ears.” He quickly eliminated the second candidate.”Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the third candidate.”Yes. You’re wearing contacts.”Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, “That’s correct. How did you know?””You can’t wear glasses if you don’t have ears.”
The owner of a bar
The owner of a bar is just locking up for the night when there is a knock at the door. He opens the door and there’s a snail sitting on the doorstep.
”What do you want?” asks the owner.
”I want a beer,” says the snail.
”First of all, we’re closed, and second of all, we don’t serve snails. So go away!”
The snail begs and pleads for a beer. The owner finally gets fed up, kicks the snail, and slams the door.
ONE YEAR LATER….
The owner of a bar is just locking up for the night when there is a knock at the door. He opens the door and there’s a snail sitting on the doorstep.
”What’d you do that for?” asks the snail.
PANCAKE
OVER A PINT IN THE PUB. THE ENGLISH MAN, THE SCOTCH MAN, AND THE IRISH MAN WERE DISCUSSING THE NAMES OF THEIR CHILDREN.AH SAID THE ENGLISH MAN THAT REMINDS ME OF MY SON GEORGE HE WAS BORN ON SAINT GEORGES DAY.AH SAID THE SCOTCH MAN, THAT REMINDS ME OF MY SON ANDREW HE WAS BORN ON SAINT ANDREWS DAY. AH SAID THE IRISH MAN ,THAT REMINDS ME OF MY SON PANCAKE.
Q. What’s the difference between a dead dog…
Q. What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer
in the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Is the coast clear?
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.
The husband said, “Who was that?”
The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Un gringo presumido se hab�a
Un gringo presumido se hab�a tatuado en el pene el nombre de su novia. Cuando lo ten�a fl�cido se le�a ‘Wy’ y cuando estaba en erecci�n dec�a ‘Wendy’.
El gringo se fue una vez de vacaciones a Jamaica, y estando en un ba�o p�blico lleg� un negro y se puso a orinar al lado. El americano vio que el pene del jamaiquino dec�a ‘Wy’ y, entonces, por pura curiosidad, le pregunta:
“�Tu novia tambi�n se llama Wendy?”
El negro, molesto, contesta con un no rotundo. El gringo insiste:
“Yo me tat�e el nombre de mi novia en el pene, y cuando est� en reposo se ve ‘Wy’ como el tuyo”.
El negro le informa:
“No, en el m�o cuando est� erecto dice:
“Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day”.
Q: How many civil
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
Safe bet
Cover your Dick before the prick
Blonde on the Stand
At a paternity trial, the blonde’s lawyer asked, “On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as ‘Lover’s Lane’ did the defendant have sexual relations with you?” “Yes,” whispered the girl, her head bowed. “And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?” the lawyer continued. “Oh no,” she replied, “I’m pretty sure he had one of them real fancy Mazdas.”
What Am I Doing?
The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked, “Do you understand what I am doing?”
“Yes,” the patient answered.
“You’re checking for dermatological abrasions.
“Correct,” the doctor lied.
Next, he fondled her breasts long and lovingly.
Again, he inquired, “Do you understand what I am doing?”
“You’re feeling for cancerous lumps,” she ventured.
“Very astute,” the doctor complimented, getting more excited. He placed the woman’s feet in stirrups, dropped his pants, and slipped his member inside her.
“And do you understand what I am doing now?”
“All too well,” the patient shot back. “You’re contracting herpes!”