Why are men so uncommunicative?
You’d learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Author: admin
Yo nmamma
yo mamma is so olds she is in jesus year book
Men Are Like…
Men are like … Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied and can keep you up
all night long.
Men are like … Cement
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Men are like … Chocolate Bars
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like … Blenders
You think that you need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
Men are like … Coolers
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like … Copiers
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
Men are like … Curling Irons
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.
Men are like … Government Bonds
They take so long to mature.
Men are like … High Heels
They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like … Horoscopes
They always tell you what to do, but they’re usually wrong.
Men are like … Lawn Mowers
If you’re not pushing one around, you’re usually riding it.
Men are like … Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like … Laxatives
They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like … Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like … Mini Skirts
If you’re not careful they’ll creep up your legs.
Men are like … Noodles
They’re always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need
dough.
Men are like … Parking Spots
The good ones are already taken, and the ones that are left are
handicapped or extremely small.
Men are like … Weather
Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like … Plungers
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the
bathroom.
Men are like … Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like … Placemats
They only show up when there’s food on the table.
Men are like … Snowstorms
You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get or
how long it will last.
Men are like … Used Cars
Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable.
Men are like … Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
Una ni�a campesina camina por
Una ni�a campesina camina por la orilla del camino tirando de una hermosa vaquilla. Cuando pasa cerca del p�rroco, �ste la saluda:
“Hola, Teresita, �ad�nde vas con esa hermosa novilla?”
“La llevo para que la monte el toro”.
El cura, ruborizado y molesto, le reprende:
“Hija, eso deber�a hacerlo tu padre”.
La ni�a insiste: “No, tiene que ser el toro”.
Signs That You are Truely Drunk
You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Your job is interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream. Your career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case – coincidence? I think not! Two hands and just one mouth… – now THAT’S a drinking problem! You can focus better with one eye closed. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. You fall off the floor… Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. At AA meetings you begin: ‘Hi my name is… uh…’ Your idea of cutting back is less salt. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in… You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alchohol, and [Women or Men]. Every night you’re beginning to find your roommate’s cat more and more attractive. Roseanne looks good. Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass. That damned pink elephant followed me home again. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you. I’m as sober as a judge. The shrubbery’s drunk from too frequent watering. You wake up screaming ‘TORO TORO TORO!’ in the middle of the night.
Any key
Compaq is considering changing the command ‘Press any key’ to ‘Press Enter
key’ because of the flood of calls asking where is the ‘Any’ key.
Artificial Intelligence
A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back,
complaining that the radio was not working.
“Madam,” said the sales manager, “the audio system in this car is completely
automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you
will hear exactly that!”
She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio
and said, “Nelson.” The radio responded, “Ricky or Willie?” She was astounded.
If she wanted Beethoven, that’s what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she
got it.
She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying “On The Road Again” when the light
turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle
coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying
attention to the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.
“Idiot!” she yelled and, from the radio, “Ladies and gentlemen, the President
of the United States.”
Why did they kick all
Why did they kick all of the midgets out of the nudist colony?
They kept getting in everyones hair.
Los pap�s de Pepito, al
Los pap�s de Pepito, al entrar a la rec�mara siempre cuentan hasta 10, que significa:
1- Se quita la ropa la se�ora.
2- Se quita la ropa el se�or.
3- Apagan la luz.
4- Se acuestan.
5- La penetra.
6- Lo saca.
7- Prenden la luz.
8- Se visten.
9- Se dan un beso.
10- Se salen del cuarto.
Pepito, al enterarse de esto, invita a una amiga a su casa; se meten a su cuarto, cierra la puerta, se quitan la ropa y dice:
5, 6, 5, 6, 5, 6, 5, 6…
Chicken joke
why dont chickens wear underware?
because their peckers are on their face
Porno actress
A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to the doctor,
‘Doc, do me a favor. Tell me what color the baby is as it’s being born.’
The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this.
‘Why don’t you know what color the child is going to be?’
‘Well,’ says the woman, ‘the problem is that I’m a porno actress and the child was conceived during the making of a film. I have no idea who the father is.’
‘OK’, says the doctor, ‘I’ll do it for you, but it’s most unusual.’
The baby begins to be born and the doctor says, ‘Here comes the head, it seems to have yellow skin and the eyes are slanted. Was one of the actors Chinese?’
‘Yes, doctor, he was,’ says the woman.
‘Wait,’ says the doctor, ‘the chest and arms are out and they seem to be very dark. Was one of the actors black?’
‘Yes doctor, he was.’
‘Wait, now the legs are out and they’re light brown. Was one of the actors of mixed race?’
‘Yes doctor, he was.’
So the doctor pulls the baby free and gives it the traditional slap on the back. The baby lets out a healthy ‘waaaaahh’ and starts crying.
‘Oh, thank God for that!’ says the woman, ‘for a moment there I thought it might bark.’
The meek shall inherit the
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not it’s mineral rights.