Author: admin

One morning the Pope awoke in his bed chamber in the Vatican. To his surprise, he noticed that he had woken up with a massive erection. Perplexed, he called on his personal physician.
“Doctor, this should not be possible,” he said, “I’m the Pope, and I’m celibate! I haven’t had one of these for 30 years!”

The doctor’s reply was, “Well, father, this is a natural phenomenon for all men, and it will happen even to you from time to time”.

The Pope exclaimed “But you must do something about this! I have mass in an hour, and this thing isn’t going away!”

The doctor replied “You have two options … either I can administer an injection to your penis to make the problem go away, which will hurt and make you feel ill, or you can just quietly go into the toilet over there and relieve yourself.”

Fearing the injection, the Pope elects the second option. Unbeknown to him, a paparazzi photographer has sneaked into the Vatican, and just as the Pope reaches that point of no return, up pops the photographer and begins snapping away. The Pope immediately summons his security guards, who arrest the photographer, and begin to beat him up.

The paparazzo shouts out, “Hey, I thought you were a Christian organization! What has happened to your forgiveness?”

Upon refection, the pope agrees with the photographer, and relents, saying “Yes, my son, you are right, we shall release you. Unfortunately, we cannot return your camera, as we cannot allow the scandal of what is contained on the film to be seen in the outside world.”

Never slow to take an opportunity, the photographer replies, “But this is how I make my living! If you take my camera, I’ll lose the money I could have sold the photographs for!”

The Pope, feeling guilty, agrees. “Very well, we will compensate you. How about $100,000?”

Ecstatic, the man agrees, and is soon on his way. The Pope, meanwhile attends confession, and the whole story comes out. For his penance, he is therefore ordered to walk three times around St. Peter’s, with the offending camera around his neck. Out on his walk, he meets a Japanese tourist:

“Ah, so, very nice Japanese camera you got there, Mr. Pope,” says the man, “how much you pay for it?”

“Being the Pope, I cannot tell a lie,” he replies, “I must confess that I paid $100,000 for it.”

“Ah,” says the Japanese gentleman, “look like someone saw you coming!”

Tres amigos se mueren en un accidente. Llegan al cielo y ven una pared con un mont�n de relojes colgados. Los amigos extra�ados preguntan a San Pedro que son esos relojes y San Pedro responde: “A cada persona muerta le corresponde un reloj y �ste refleja el n�mero de masturbaciones al d�a en promedio de cada uno.”

Juan: “�Aqu� est� el m�o! Cinco vueltas.”

Antonio: “�El m�o est� all�! 10 vueltas.”

Manolo: “Oye San Pedro, no veo el mio.”

Y San Pedro contesta:

“�El tuyo lo hemos puesto en el techo de ventilador!”

Un conejo est� corriendo por la jungla cuando ve a una jirafa que est� liando un churro de mota. El conejo se detiene y se dirige a la jirafa:

“Amiga jirafa, no te fumes eso. Mejor ven a correr conmigo… �Ya ver�s que sano es!”

La jirafa lo piensa y decide tirar el churro y se va detr�s del conejo sude y sude; corre y corre. Los dos est�n corriendo por la selva, cuando descubren a un elefante a punto de esnifarse una raya de coca. El conejo se acerca al elefante y le reprende:

“Amigo elefante, deja de meterte esa porquer�a y vente a correr con nosotros. �Ya ver�s que bien te vas a sentir!”

El elefante lo medita; tira su espejo con la raya y decide seguirlos. Est�n los tres corriendo como locos cuando, de pronto, se encuentran con un le�n que est� a punto de inyectarse una dosis de hero�na. El conejo se detiene y se arrima al le�n:

“Amigo le�n, deja el pico y ven a correr con nosotros. �Ya ver�s lo bueno que es!”

El le�n se aproxima al conejo y le pone una tremenda paliza que casi lo mata. Los otros animales, escandalizados, le reclaman:

“�Por qu� has hecho eso? �El conejito s�lo quiere ayudarnos!”

“�Es que este m�ndigo conejo me hace correr como loco cada vez que se toma una tacha!”

Milagroso san Alejo,
con gran devoci�n te pido
que me quites lo pendejo
porque esto me trae jodido.

Trabajo con la ilusi�n
de ser rico antes que viejo,
pero no falta alg�n cabr�n
que me chingue por pendejo.

Mi familia muy contenta
gasta un dineral en casa
y no me hab�a dado cuenta
que por pendejo me pasa.

Uso amuletos confieso,
me hice ‘limpias’, no me quejo,
es muy cierto que progreso,
pero s�lo en lo pendejo.

Que tan pendejo me siento,
que al dormir como una roca
si se me sale alg�n viento
me levanto a ver quien toca.

Esc�chame, san Alejo,
esta oraci�n milagrosa,
porque s� que el que es pendejo
ni siquiera de Dios goza.

T� bien sabes cu�nto lucho
por sanar de mis complejos
quiero triunfar como muchos
que nom�s se hacen pendejos

Ni crean que es milagrosa esta oraci�n…

La ignorancia si es curable, la pendejez es cr�nica.