Look, we have bombed these people, shot them, invaded their country, shipped them off to Cuba to sit in a cage, stolen their oil and STILL they dont like us Its just like with the indians You just cant win
Author: admin
Wacko Jacko
What’s the difference between a polythene bag and Michael Jackson?
A: One is made of plastic and dangerous to
children,the other is used to carry your
shopping home!
Inner City People
Why are inner city people good at basketball?
Cause They already know how to Shoot, steal, and run.
Why It’s called sex?
Do you know why it’s called sex?
Because it’s easier to spell than Uhhhhh..oooohh…Ahhhhhh….AIIEEEEEEE!!!
Spanish doctor
A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the ER parking lot
to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth. Wanting to tell the
woman to push him started yelling “Put! Put! Put!� At this, the grandmother
started to cry and the baby�s father had to be restrained. What the doctor
should have been saying was “Puja!” (Push!).
Instead, he was saying “Whore! Whore! Whore!�
Clinton As King Leer
Scene 1. A forest glen. Enter Witch Tripp and Kenneth of Starr.
Witch Tripp:
Double, double, Webster Hubbell,
I think I got the Creep in trouble.
Eye of Newt, strap of bra,
Could it be he broke some law?
Praise this broth utmost ephemeral,
Heavens! I left out my Essence of Emeril!
Hark! Who trespasses so near?
Kenneth of Starr: ‘Tis I, the Inquisitor. What news?
Witch Tripp: Things proceed with quickening speed, m’lord. The maiden
Lewinsky, so deeply embroil’d, is now join’d by the Lady Willey In like pursuit.
Daily tightens the noose around the king.
Starr: Would that it were so, but he hath good counsel, and more moves than a
chess board. His public, well pleas’d with good news of the economy, doth o’er
look much.
Witch Tripp: How may I serve you next?
Starr: I have need of acts damnable and facts verifiable. Else he may elude me
yet.
Witch Tripp: His dog Buddy, freshly neuter’d, may bear his Master harsh
reproach. He may consent to wearing a collar of our invention, to survey the
king at his ease. Dogs are much accustom’d to insects. What’s one more bug?
Starr: Good hag, I rely on you completely. I must away.
(Exeunt Tripp and Starr)
Scene 2. The King’s antechamber
Duke of McCurry: My Lord! I needs must speak with you most urgently! The
castle is assaulted on all sides!
Leer: What would I not give for an hour’s peace!
McCurry: An army of reporters is settled at thy gate. They are press in name
and press in deed, for they press me daily, nay, hourly for some explanation
from thy lips.
Leer: Who is there among them?
McCurry: Lords Jennings, Brokaw, Rather, Geraldo of Rivera and a hostof
others. Methinks I spied the van from Hard Copy.
Leer: You cut me to the quick. Do they not know that I am chaste?
McCurry: They insinuate that thou hast chased too often.
Leer: Never have lies been so artfully stack’d against a pure soul. Where is
Lady Hillary?
McCurry: Her secretary doth report that she is lock’d in her bath, saying over
and over, “Why can I not wash my hands of this guy?”
Leer: Oh cursed fate! I must be the most solitary mortal in all creation.
Never have I betrayed m’lady’s trust.
McCurry: Whatever.
(Enter Messenger)
Messenger: Good king, steel thy nerve. I bring a missive from Kenneth of
Starr, the Grand Inquisitor.
Leer: Was ever a man as Starr-cross’d as I? Why does this man conspire to
afflict me thus? My hand is unsteady. Read it to me.
Messenger: Let me see. He offers you his regards, blah, blah, blah, then doth
subpoena you to appear at his chamber at Friday next, to forswear again that
thou tookst no liberties with the wench Jones, who withdraweth not her claims
against you.
Leer: I have already so sworn!
McCurry: It would seem, m’lord, that the woeful tale of Lady Willey rekindles
old flames.
Leer: I kiss’d the woman on the forehead, as a sign of my regard. Never was a
king so expos’d!
McCurry: Truer words were ne’er spoken.
Leer: I cannot think on’t further. Leave me to my own counsel.
(Exeunt Messenger and McCurry)
Leer: To be forthright, or not to be forthright, that is the question. Whether
’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
or just bag the whole thing and teach law at a junior college.
(Enter Courtier)
Courtier: My liege, you are late for an appointed meeting.
Leer: What’s this?
Courtier: You were to interview a new assistant at the stroke of two. She
seems most capable, and with rare intellect for one so young and fair.
Leer: Well, tell her I will see her anon, and on, and on.
Courtier: A most clever jest, my king.
Leer: Let us not tarry further.
(Exeunt Leer and courtier. Enter Buddy, from behind a chair)
Buddy: So dearest reader, I bid adieu. Me seeth I have much to do. And so it
comes to this pretty pass to see if the king doth get some . . .class.
Headstones
Husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads ‘Here Lies My Wife- Cold As Ever’.”
“Yeah” she replies, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband-Stiff At Last.'”
Personal growth
It takes time to discover the Secret of Personal Growth.
Shoes with Lifts
Santa
What does a fat man with white beard say to kids?
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Beer Vs Jesus
Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have relations with the opposite sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don’t force beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.
6. When you have a beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of beer.
4. You don’t have to wait 2000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying beer labels can’t lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If you’ve devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship….
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
40 Things Never Said By Southerners
40. Oh I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen.
39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won’t fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can’t feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
30. Wrestling�s fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We’re vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
24. Whose Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spitting is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I’ll have the argali and radicchio salad.
15. I’ve got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fianc�e, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
05. I don’t have a favorite college team.
04. be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I’m driving tonight.