Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.
Author: admin
RESISTING ARREST
A boy and his father are playing with toy cars; the father has the police car
and pretends to pull over the car that the boy is playing with.
“Do you have a driver�s license?” asks the father.
“No,” says the boy.
“Are you resisting arrest?” he asks.
The boy hesitates before he says, “No … I’m not sleepy yet.”
What was the White House Chief of Staff’s…
What was the White House Chief of Staff’s reaction to Lewinsky’s story?
Now I know why they kept calling her the head intern!
A woman had two female
A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, “We’re prostitutes,
want to have a little fun?”
She was talking to her Preacher one day about this. He said he had two male
parrots and all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a
good influence on the two females. So they put the four parrots together.
So, the females yelled at the male parrots, “We’re prostitutes, want to have a
little fun?” One male parrot said to the other, “Put the Bibles away! We’ve made
it to heaven!”
Questions to enter Heavan
One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, “How many people died on the ship?” Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, “About 1,500.” “That’s right! You may enter.” St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
GOLFER
JOKE
WHY DID THE GOLFER TAKE A SPARE PAIR
OF TROUSERS???
ANSWER
JUST INCASE HE GOT A HOLE IN ONE!!!!!
Herc, Snow White & Quasie!
Hercules, Snow White and Quasemoto were sitting at a table talking.
Hercules says, “I think I’m the strongest man in the world but it hasn’t been
proven yet.”
Snow White says “I think I’m the fairest lady in the land but it hasn’t been
proven yet.”
Quasie says “I think I’m the ugliest,meanest son of a gun in the world but it
hasn’t been proven yet.”
The next day Hercules and Snow White are sitting at the table and Hercules
says, “It’s true I’m the strongest man in the world for God told me so”.
Snow White says ” It’s true I’m the fairest lady in the land for God told me
so.”
Just then, Quasie started walking up the road really steamed and says ” Guys
can you do me a favor? Tell me who the heck is Janet Reno?”
The Blonde goes a fishing
A blonde wanted to take up a new hobby so decided to take up ice fishing. She got all of the equipment and set off to start her new hobby. She found a piece of ice and cut a small circular hole in it. On went the maggot on then end of her fishing rod and in went the rod into the water. Minutes later a voice came from above which said “there are no fish under the ice!” Confused she moved futher down the patch of ice that she had found. Once again, she cut a small circular hole in to the ice and in went her rod. Once again a booming voice made her jump. “there are no fish under the ice!” Confused she stuttered “God, God is that you?” “No this is not God, this is the manager of the ice rink!”
Off the Toilet wall
Wit and wisdom on the dunny walls of the world:
Friends don’t let friends take home ugly men.
– Women’s toilet, Dewey Beach, Delaware.
The best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breastplate open.
– Women’s toilet, Champaign, Illinois.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
– Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
I’ve decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
– Houghton Library, Harvard, Cambridge, Massachusetts.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
– The Irish Times, Washington DC.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
– Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
– Tucson, Arizona.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
– Men’s toilet, Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
A Women’s Rule of Thumb – if it has tyres or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.
– Women’s toilet, Dallas, Texas.
Jesus Saves, but wouldn’t it be better if he had invested?
– Men’s toilet, American University, Washington DC.
Express Lane: Five beers or less.
– Sign over one of the urinals, Phoenix, Arizona.
You’re too good for him.
– Sign over mirror in women’s toilet, Beverly Hills, California.
No wonder you always go home alone.
– Sign over mirror in men’s toilet, Beverly Hills, California.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. – Armand’s Pizza, Washington DC.
To do is to be – Descartes
To be is to do – Sartre
Do be do be do – Frank Sinatra
– Men’s toilets, Scottsdale, Arizona.
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
– Written in dust on back of a bus, Wickenburg, Arizona.
Make love, not war – hell, do both, get married!
– Women’s toilet, Bozeman, Montana.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
– Revolution Books, New York.
Yo mama is so poor
Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on layaway.
Before it starts…
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts!”
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Ten minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts!”
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute!”
The wife is furious. She yells at him “Is that all you’re going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore…”
The man sighs and says, “It’s started…”
People will buy anything that
People will buy anything that is one-to-a-customer.