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Manolo es atropellado; mientras se encontraba en el suelo, decia con grandes gemidos:
“Incl�nenme, incl�nenme!” Y repet�a esta misma frase durante varios minutos.
Como es de suponer la gente le pon�a de un lado y luego del otro y Manolo segu�a:
“�Incl�nenme, incl�nenme!”
Por suerte su amigo Venancio pasa por ah� y le escucha. Entonces les dice a todos los que trataban de ayudarlo:
“�Ignorantes!… �qu� no ven que el pobre est� pidiendo que le internen en una cl�nica?”
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the
plant and home. When they took it for a float on the Stilliguamish River, they
were quite surprised by a coast guard helicopter that was homing in on the
emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing.
What’s green and eats nuts?
Herpes.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Joe sets up Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Michael is a little worried about going out with someone he’s never seen before.
“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Mike, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”
“Don’t worry.” Joe says, “just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned.
If you don’t, just shout Aaaaaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack.”
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl’s door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
He’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, “Aaaaaauuuggghhh!”
A cardiac specialist died.
At his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock-up of a heart made of flowers.
When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed.
Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”
“I was thinking about my own funeral,” the man replied.
“What’s so funny about that?”
“I’m a gynecologist.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Why does a Jewish American Princess close her eyes during sex?
She can’t stand it to see her husband enjoy himself.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldoser.
Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?
A: When he steals a base.
Q: What did the can say to the can opener?
A: You make me flip my lid.
Q: What is a volcano?
A: A mountain with the hiccups.
Q: What do you find at the end of everything?
A: The letter “g”.
Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A: He called a toe truck.
Q: Why do two skunks argue?
A: Because they like to kick up a stink.
Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?
A: You can count on me.
Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.
Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?
A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack and I’ll plaster you.
Q: Why is baseball like a cake?
A: They both need batters.
Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?
A: Take me to your weeder.
Q: What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins?
A: Slippers!
Q: What did the rug say to the floor?
A: I’ve got you covered!
Q: How do you make antifreeze?
A: You steal her blanket.
Q: Why does a cow wear a bell?
A: Because her horns don’t work.
Here is a list of the ways professors grade their final exams:
DEPT OF STATISTICS:
– All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
– Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them
in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to
mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY:
– All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
– What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL:
– Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an
A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
– Grades are variable.
DEPT OF LOGIC:
– If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has
accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student
will not receive an A.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
– Random number generator determines grade.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT:
– Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play
the corresponding note. (+ and – would be sharp and flat respectively)
Waiters serve it piping hot.
A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that
said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!”
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.
“Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve they heard a big splash. “Do you think,” said one clergy
to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?”
What does a man and a floor have in common?
You lay them right the first time you can walk all over them forever!!