ever been called coloured by a white person!! the next time tell them who they calling coloured cos when you were born you were black, when you were well you were black, when you were sick you were black, when you died you were black: but them when they were born they were pink, when they were well they were white, when they were ill they were green, when they died they were blue so who they calling coloured!!!
Author: admin
Nowledge
What does the N on the Nebraska football helmet stand for?
“Nowledge.”
Who is Mary Lou?!?
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee
and slapped him on the back of the head. “I found a piece of paper in your pants
pocket with the name ‘Mary Lou’ written on it,” she said, furious. “You had
better have an explanation.”
� Calm down, honey�, the man replied. “Remember last week when I was at the
dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on.”
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
� What was that for?” he complained.
� Your dog called last night.”
Boys II Men
Your momma so stupid that she thought Boys II Men is a day care center.
Gay Identification
A guy from the deep south comes to New York and he’s amazed by the indoor plumbing. He’s so intrigued by the way the toilets work that he goes to the Sewage Disposal Plant to check it out.
One of the inspectors shows him to the conveyor belt that carries all the bowel movements. As the piles of shit parade by them, the inspector says, “You can tell by inspection who the assorted feces belong to. See that one? I’m sure it’s the turd of a Mexican. See the pieces of taco shell, and the tomato seeds? And this next one is obviously the turd of a Chinaman or a Jap, see the fish eyes and the rice in it? And this next one is surely from a gay man.”
The hick says, “How can you tell?”
The inspector says, “It’s dented on one end.”
Cooking Turkey
20 Easy Steps to Cook a Turkey
1. Go and buy a turkey.
2. Take a drink of whisky (scotch or bourbon).
3. Put turkey in the oven.
4. Take another two drinks of whisky.
5. Set the degree at 180 ovens.
6. Take three more whiskies of drink.
7. Turn oven the on.
8. Take four whisks of drinky.
9. Turk the bastey.
10. Whisky another bottle of get.
11. Stick a turkey in the thermometer.
12. Glass yourself a pour of whisky.
13. Bake the whisky for four hours.
14. Take the oven out of the turkey.
15. Take the oven out of the turkey.
16. Floor the turkey up off the pick.
17. Turk the carvey.
18. Get yourself another scottle of botch.
19. Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.
20. Bless the saying, pass and eat out.
We sometimes get all the
We sometimes get all the information, but we refuse to get the message.
Q: How many striking
Q: How many striking baseball players does it take to change a light bulb?A: None. All those replacement bulbs are scabs!
More truths…
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.
There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to
look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it
is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant
atmosphere…and let the air out of their tires. -Dorothy Parker
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment
is due.
Families are like fudge…mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.
If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.
Life’s golden age is when the kids are too old to need
baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and
wonder what else you can do while you’re down there
Tact is the art of
Tact is the art of convincing people that they know more than they do.
Q: How many mathematicians
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: One. He gives it to six Oregonians, thereby simplifying the problem to the previous question.
Best Friend
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, “That’s quite a heavy drink. What’s the problem?”
After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, “I found my wife in bed with my best friend.”
‘Wow,” says the barkeep. “What did you do about it?” “I walked over to my wife, looked her in the eye, told her to pack her stuff, and get the hell out.”
“That makes sense,” remarks the barkeep… “And, what about your best friend?”
“I looked him right in the eye and yelled, **Bad Dog** “