right theres a bloke and his son driving down a highway and
speeding a cop behind them turns on his lights and chazes them
the dad of the son says dick head and the son says wats a dick
head dad and his dad says its another name for a cop so he says
ok they get home and have out run the cop his dad takes off his
shoes and walks forward and stumps his toe on the door mat he
shouts shit out loud and the boy says wats shit dad and he
replies just another name for a door mat son hes says ok and
walks in to the kitchen wile his dad walks up the stairs his mum
is plucking a chiken for tea she breaks a nail and shouts fuck
her son says wats that mean she says its another name for
plucking a chiken he says ok he walks u the stairs and his dad
is shaving he cuts his face and shouts bollox he son says wats
that mean and he says its another name for shaving ure face he
says ok he hears the doorbell and its the cop the bot answers
the door and says hi dick head wipe ure feet on the shit my mums
fucking a chiken and my dads shaving his bollox
Author: admin
Conscience is what hurts when
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Guiness and women
This is very upsetting for you guys. Research scientists at Guinness suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption after considering the results of a recent analysis, which had revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed eight pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100 percent of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.No further testing is planned.
Your Tax Dollars At Work
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear
weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one
within city limits.
Bumper Sticker Sayings
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
4. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
A few way to handle stress!
Stressed out…try some of these relaxing tidbits 🙂
1. Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
(This one is great to teach neices and nephews!)
2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill.
(Even better to call after doing it and say you didn’t authorize it and want to know what the hell is going on!)
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
(This one keeps cats and men occupied for awhile.)
4. When someone says “Have a nice day” tell them you have other plans.
(Like going the store to stock up on ammunition maybe?)
5. Get a box of condoms. Wait in line at the check-out counter and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are.
(And if she’s cute, always ask if assistance is available.)
6. Dance naked in front of your pets.
(Not recommended for anyone with a pet Gorilla.)
7. Put your toddler’s clothes on backwards, and send him/her off to school as if nothing is wrong.
(You can get real creative here…especially if you put a dress on your son.)
8. Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
(Trust me…they’re in there! I found 70 in just the A’s!)
Bubba and Junior!
Two good ol’ boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.
Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Bubba says, “Hey, Junior – there’s the NCO Club. Let’s you and me stop in and have us a drank.”
“But we’s privates,” protests Junior.
“NO, we’s sergeants now,” says Bubba, pulling him inside
“Now, Junior, I’m gonna sit down and have me a drank.”
“But, we’s privates,” says Junior.
“You blind, boy!” says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. “We’s Sergeants now!”
So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.
“You’re cute,” she says, “and I’d like to take you someplace and make you feel good — but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhea.”
Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, “Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it’s good, give me the okay sign.”
Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
“Junior,” he says, “What you give me the okay for?!”
“Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates.”
Then he pointed to his stripes and says, “But we’s Sergeants now!
Viola joke
Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please.Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no measure numbers.
Firm This Up
This guy decides he’s going to play a little joke on his wife one day. As she steps out of the shower, he grabs one of her breasts and says, “If you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn’t have to keep using your bra.” He laughs and laughs. The next morning, he again catches her as she finishes her shower and grabs her ass and says “If you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn’t have to keep using your girdle.” Again he laughs and laughs, while his wife plots her revenge. The next morning as he steps out of the shower, his wife grabbed his penis and says, “If you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn’t need to keep sleeping with your brother.”
Q. What is the difference between a frog and…
Q. What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
A. One says ribbit ribbit, the other one says rub-it rub-it!
El marido llega a casa
El marido llega a casa y se encuentra a su esposa sudando y colorada y vestida con tan s�lo un camis�n. El tipo se mosquea cantidad y empieza a mirar a su alrededor: la cama est� deshecha y hay un bulto tras las cortinas. Debajo de ese bulto hay un par de pies… As� que aparta las cortinas de golpe y, efectivamente, ah� detr�s hay un t�o en pelotas.
“�Qui�n es usted?”
“Eh… pues… soy el exterminador… yo… estaba… haciendo la inspecci�n de polillas… �S�, eso es, estaba comprobando si hab�a polillas en esta casa!”
“�Y por qu� est� usted desnudo?”
“�Desnudo? �Cielos, estas polillas son peores de lo que pensaba!”
QA techs
Q: How many quality assurance techs does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two, and you’ll need a 48 hour burn-in, two hours of cool down, and a very thorough bench analysis of the new bulb so don’t expect to see either bulb for a week or so.