Three Couples on Vacation

One day three couples in a minivan are heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and one is from Iowa. They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for breakfast.

Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband from Nebraska says, “could you pass the honey honey?” to whom his wife, hands over the honey.

Then, the husband from Kansas says ” Could you pass the sugar sugar?” and she passes him the sugar.

The Iowan husband sits there for a minute, then looks at his wife and says “Wanna pass me the bacon, pig?”

On the porch with a young un’

The old lady begins, “Your honor, I am 86 years old. So here I am, sitting there on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sits beside me. He starts to rub my thigh, and it feels good, Your Honor. So I don’t stop him, and he begins to rub my old breasts, Your Honor. Why, Your Honor, I haven’t felt that good in years! So I just spread my old legs and say to him, “Take me, young man, Take me!” That’s when he Yelled, “April Fool” and that’s when I shot the Son of a Bitch!”

Important Business Study

The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on corporate America recreation preferences:

1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.

2. Sport of choice for front line workers: football.

3. Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.

4. Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.

5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.

CONCLUSION:

The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.

Why Women Make Less

A job negotiator and a feminist were in dispute… The feminist was arguing over the different pay scales that her women were receiving…

Fem: Okay, why are women paid less than men for doing the same job that a man does.
Neg: It says in the Bible that women are worth less than men.

Fem: Where does it say that? I don’t think so.
Neg: Well, you do agree that woman was made from a rib, correct?

Fem: Yeah, so?
Neg: Well, there you have it. A rib is a cheaper cut of meat!

The Jewish Mom

The first Jewish President of the United States calls his mother in Queens and invites her to come down for Thanksgiving. She says, “I’d like to, but it’s so much trouble…I mean, I have to get a cab to the airport, and I hate waiting on Queens Blvd…”

He replies, “Mom! I’m the President! You won’t need a cab – I’ll send a limousine for you!”

His mother replies, “I know, but then I’ll have to get my ticket at the airport, and try to get a seat on the plane, and I hate to sit in the middle…it’s just too much trouble.”

He replies, “Mom! I’m the President of the United States! I’ll send Air Force One for you – it’s my private jet!”

To which she replies, “Oh, well, but then when we land, I’ll to carry my luggage through the airport, and try to get a cab…it’s really too much trouble.”

He replies, “Mom!! I’m the President! I’ll send a helicopter for you! You won’t have to lift a finger.”

She answers, “Yes, that’s nice…but, you know, I still need a hotel room, and the rooms are so expensive, and I really don’t like the rooms…”

Exasperated, he answers, “Mom! I’m the President! You’ll stay at the White House!”

She responds, “Well…all right…I guess I’ll come.”

The next day, she’s on the phone with her friend Betty:

Betty: “Hello, Sylvia…so what’s new?”

Sylvia: “I’m visiting my son for Thanksgiving!”

Betty: “The doctor?”

Sylvia: “No … the other one.”

Viagra again

Recent internet humor broadcasts have suggested that Vice President Al Gore is the perfect spokesmodel for the new wonder drug, Viagra. It is a stiff, er…. erect ummm…. logical connection, to be sure… …but I just dunno. I think the following commercial would sell A LOT more pills: Imagine Jack Nicholson in a reprise of his ‘Horney Little Devil’ role from THE WICHES OF EASTWICK SCENE: A richly wooded library filled with books, with a fire burning in the fireplace. Jack Nicholson is dressed silk PJ’s and an embroidered bathrobe; seated in a leather wing-backed chair. Camera pans across the bookshelves, the fireplace, and the wingback chair, then zooms in on Jack’s face. He is reading the label on a Viagra Bottle which he holds in his right hand. Nicholson notes that someone is looking at him, looks up, then drops his head a little, looks directly into the camera, and rotates the bottle so the label is visable. ‘Guys, WE know you still have it in ya.’He cocks his head slightly, executes ‘The Nicholson Smile(tm)’ and raises one eyebrow. Fade to black, superimpose Viagra Logo.