Four surgeons are having a coffee after performing surgery.”I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered.” says the first.”I think librarians are the easiest,” said the second surgeon.”When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered.” The third surgeon said, “I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are colour coded.” The fourth one said, “”I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and ass are interchangeable”
Author: admin
the gates of heaven
Three nuns die and go to heaven. When they reach the gates of heaven ST. Peter tells them that they have to answer a question to enter. Then he asks them which one wants to go first. The oldest of the three say I will go fisrt and set an example for the other two. So St Peter asks her “Who was the first man on Earth?”. She says thats easy Adam was the first man on Earth. Lights flash, horns blow, bells ring, and the gates of heaven open wide and the nun enters. Well the second nun steps up and says I guess I will go next. St Peter asks her “Who was the first woman on Earth?” She answers thats easy Eve was the first woman on Earth. Lights flash, horns blow, bells ring and the gates of heaven open up and that nun enters. The last nun steps up and says I guess it is my turn now. St Peter then asks her “What were the first words Eve said to Adam?”. The nun thinks and thinks and she cant come up with what Evesaid to Adam first so she looks at St Peter and says “Thats hard”. Lights flash, horns blow bells ring and the gates of heaven open up.
Dr. Leroy
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining
patients to see if they’re cured and ready to re-enter society. “So, Mr. Clark,”
the doctor says to one of his patients, “I see by your chart that you’ve been
recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you’re
released?” The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, “Well, I went to
school for mechanical engineering. That’s still a good field, good money there.
But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here
in the hospital, what it’s like to be a patient here. People might be interested
in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college
and study art history, which I’ve grown interested in lately.” Dr. Leroy nods
and says, “Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.” The patient
replies, “And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot.”
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del.,
as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Winter Surprise
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Games for when we are older
1. Sag, You’re it
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10. Musical recliners.
Rabbit
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.”
The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone.
Again, he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.”
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, “Ribbit Lucky frog.”
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?” the man asks.
“Ribbit 3 wood.”
The guy takes out a 3-wood and, Boom! Hole-in-one.
The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “OK where to next?”
The frog replies, “Ribbit Las Vegas.”
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?”
The frog says, “Ribbit Roulette.” Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, “What do you think I should bet?”
The frog replies, “Ribbit $3000, black 6.”
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck.
Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful”.
The frog replies, “Ribbit Kiss Me.”
He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.
With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
“And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.
So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Why did Bill Clinton get a new
Q: Why did Bill Clinton get a new secretary?
A: He forgot where he laid the last one.
Two new organs for Adam
One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news”, God said. Adam looked at God and said, “Well, give me the good news first.” Smiling, God explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you.One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.”Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?”God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, “The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time.”
Your Moma At KFC
Your Moma is so fat , when she went to KFC and ordered a bucket of chicken and they asked what size, she said the one on the roof!
Common
Q. What do a lawyer and a prostitute have in common?
A. They both screw people out of money.
Lawyer Jokes
What’s the only disadvantage to using lawyers instead of rats in laboratory experiments?
It’s harder to extrapolate the test results to human beings.
Why should lawyers be buried 100 feet deep?
Because deep down, they’re really good people.
What educational programs should the United States support to alleviate the burgeoning US-Japan trade imbalance?
Japanese language lessons for lawyers.
Why do lawyers carry their certification on their dashboard?
So they can park in the handicapped parking; it’s proof of a moral disability.
How can you tell there’s an afterlife for lawyers?
Because after they die, they lie still.
What is a criminal lawyer?
Redundant.
What are lawyers good for?
They make used car and life insurance salesmen look good.
What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman pinscher.
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested?
An accomplice.
What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested?
A lawyer.
What do you call 10,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
How can you tell when your lawyer is lying?
His lips move.
How do you save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in wet cement?
Not enough cement.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of cow manure?
The bucket.
Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.
Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the city morgue.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can’t understand.