What do you get if you put your hand down a pyschic’s pants?
Your palm red once a month.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Author: admin
Manolo llega siempre al restaurante
Manolo llega siempre al restaurante y, d�ndoselas de muy fino, trata de pinchar una aceituna con un palillo, pero siempre se le escapa en el �ltimo momento.
Un d�a el camarero que lo atiende, cansado de ver como fracasan sus intentos, toma el palillo y pincha la aceituna. Manolo protesta: “�Claro! �Ahora que ya la ten�a cansada!”
Ugly Bird
Her body was dressed in lace.
She was nice exept for her face.
With her bucked teeth and her double chin,
It was hard to see the beauty within.
I fancied a bit of a gropin’
So she spread her legs open,
The awfull stench
that came from the wench,
made my head whirl
So much I wanted to hurl.
Her tits began to sag,
She started to nag.
So I decided to leave,
Coz I realy needed to breathe!
As far as our relationship went, this was the end.
She drove me ’round the bend.
Now I have a girl that’s good lukin’,
And I’m never short of a good fuckin’!
Clothes Off
Type “I’ll take my clothes off” in MS Word, then click on thesaurus.
How would you describe three prostitutes and a blonde?
Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
Nice Legs
A bumper sticker seen on car:
nice legs…..
What time do they open?
Q. What do
Q. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A. Full.
Too Much Wrestling
* You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and Bryan Adams stole wrestlers’ names * You only come out of your room if your theme music is playing * When your boss is pissing you off you kick him and give him a stunner * You always end a speech with, ”That’s the bottom line ‘cuz John said so!” or ”If you smellllll what John is cooking!”* Your new wardrobe consists of more multi-colored bicep tassles, tights, and capes* If there’s one beer left you suggest it should be suspended from the ceiling and the winner has to climb a stepladder to get it* Whenever you see someone lying on the floor you get the urge to put him in the sharpshooter
Knock Knock 84
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Heart!
Heart who?
Heart who hear you, speak louder!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Heaven!
Heaven who?
Heaven seen you in ages!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Heidi!
Heidi who?
Heidi-clare war on you!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Heifer!
Heifer who?
Heifer cow is better than none!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Helena!
Helana who?
Helena hand basket!
Life In The Great Outdoors
An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, “You’re in incredible shape. How old are you again?” The man replied, “I am 78.”
The doctor exclaimed, “Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old.”
The man explained, “Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down.”
“What does that have to do with it?” asked the doctor.
The man sighed, “I’ve pretty much lived an outdoor life.”
Quick Blow Job
The boy just takes the girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, “Sweetie, why don’t you give me a blow job?”
“What? You’re crazy???!!!”
“Don’t worry, it will be quick, no problem.”
“No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor…”
“At this time of the night no one will show up..”
“I’ve already said NO, and NO!”
“Honey, it’s just a small blowie… I know you like it too..”
“NO!!! I’ve said NO!!!”
“My love.. don’t be like that..”
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with her hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says, “Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blow job himself, but for God’s sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!”
Dumbass Redneck
One Day A fat Redneck walks into a bar And Orders a Beer. Once the bartender Brings him his beer He stands up and Pisses in it. The Bartender Perplexed ask “Why did u piss in ur beer”. The man Replies This isnt my Drink. The Bartender says “o playing a prank eh”? The guy Replies “Ya” Ive put gold in the bottom of the class”. “Gold? the Bartender says Thats not urine”? Quickly the bartender swoops down the drink. and is dissapointed not to find gold. The man smiles And hands the Bartender a note. “Toldya I was playing a prank u dumbass”.