Two vans were racing from L.A. to San Francisco one filled with lesbians and the other filled with gays. Who got there first and why?The lesbians did because they were doing 69 the whole way while the gays were still at home packing their shit.
Author: admin
A Real Watch Dog
A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked. The other customers were very confused and some very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, ”Sir, what are you doing!?!” The man turned toward the teller and simply said ”Looking around.”
The Mental Ward
One day a doctor walks in the hospital for the Mentaly Insane. As he walks in, he sees 2 guys in seperate beds by them selves. As he approched the first one, the guy starts to act like he is flying an airplane with a dazed look on his face. The doctor asks, Sir, what seems to be the trouble? The guy replies, Well Sir, i am back in the war fighting the Japs in my fighter plane! The Doctor replies,
Well Good Luck Son. The doctor looks across the room at the other gentelman lying in bed.
As the doctor approches, this guy starts to hump vigorously in bed by himself,…like he was having sex! The doctor asks, Sir What is the matter with you?
The guy replies, Well Sir,…While that feller over there is back in the war in his fighter plane fighting the Japs……I am at his house fucking his wife!
Rocky (2-27-2003)
Born that way
How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t.
They’re born that way.
Graduation Photo
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.
“I want a good picture, so try to make this look natural,” she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.”
The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?”
Types of computer viruses
Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.
Lottery Winner
This lady got home and bursts in yelling, ‘Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!’ The husband says ‘Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?’ She then replies, ‘I don’t care…Just get the hell out!’
Irish Lamp Post
Did you hear about the Irish lamp post?
It peed on the dog.
Peanut In The Ear
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He’d toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter’s date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father’s nose and told him to blowhard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, “That’s so wonderful! Isn’t he smart? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?”
The father replied “From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.”
Watch Your Step
“When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch
your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your
language. Thank you.”
eat me
One day there was this lion and zebra messing around. Until the lion’s wife started to come towards them. The lion panic and said to the zebra “Quick hurry! pretend like I’m eating you!” Ha Ha get it eating you
Sick gay joke
Their is a man sitting in a bar when gay man approaches and says, “If you woke up in the forest and your ass itched and you itched it and got Vaseline on your hand, would you tell anybody?” The other man said. “NO!” Then the gay says, “If you reached farther into your crack and pulled out a used condom would you tell anyone?” The guy said “HELL NO!” Then the gay guy said “Wanna go camping”