What do you call a car full of black people?
Cheap Tinted Windows
Author: admin
Eight Iron
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took
his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something
glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight
iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, “Jack, I’ve got trouble down here!”
“What’s the matter?” Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
“Bring me my wedge,” Joe shouted. “You can’t get out of here with an eight
iron!”
Q: How many Russian
Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, the old bulb is just suffering from a cold.
psychoanalysis
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.
Doodle Doo
What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?
A cock that stays up all night.
If Airlines were run by the folks who write Operating Systems…
UNIX AirwaysEveryone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOSEverybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on … Mac AirlinesAll the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, are to stupid to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up. Windows AirThe terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever. Windows NT AirJust like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes. Linux AirDisgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself for free. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plan leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, “You had to do WHAT with the seat?”
Fish joke
What do you get when you cross something that is alone and a shark?
answer: a loneshark
Un chico va a pedir
Un chico va a pedir la mano de su novia al pap� de ella. Al llegar, el padre la manda a su cuarto en la parte de arriba de la casa. Luego pregunta al muchacho:
“�Cu�nto ganas?”
El muchacho dice: “El sueldo m�nimo.”
El padre grita: “�A mi hija eso no le alcanza ni para el papel higi�nico.”
Decepcionado, el chico sale de la casa, y desde el balc�n la novia le grita:
“�Qu� pas�?”
Y el chico le responde:
“�Hasta nunca, cagona!”
Any Last Words?
There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman, who were going to be shot.
On the day of the executions, they take the Scotsman outside.
“Any last words?”, they asked.
He yelled “Earthquake!” and whilst the firing squad were running about in a panic, he climbed the wall and got away.
The Englishman, seeing this, thought he’d try it, so when his turn came.
He shouted “Flood!”, and similarly escaped in the ensuing confusion.
The Irishman thought this was a good plan, too so when they asked him for his last words, he yelled “Fire!”
More Signs of a Drinking Problem
Alright, we all celebrate at New Year’s, some to excess. However, please consider the below listed tip-offs as Signs You May Have A Drinking Problem the rest of the year:
* You fall off the floor quite often
* The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in…
* Hangovers have become an alternative lifestyle
* Bill & Hillary Clinton are starting to make sense
* You lose most of the arguments with inanimate objects
* You have a “Reserved Parking” space at your liquor store
* The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
* You don’t recognize people, unless seen through bottom of glass
* You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
* You think the 4 Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol & Women
Beer Brothers
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “What’ll you have?” The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please. So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.” The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together. The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers.Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him, “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.” The man said, “Oh, me brothers are fine—-I just quit drinking.”
Don’t Drink My Drink Pal
This guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making bully steps
next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The bully says: “Come on man, I was just joking.
Tell ya what; I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man
crying.”
“No, it’s not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I
overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss was outraged and fired
me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The
police said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, paid the cab
driver, and the cab drove off. It was then I found that I left my wallet in the
cab. I finally got home only to find my wife was in bed with another man. I left
home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my
life, you show up…… and drink my poison…”