Why wont [ethnic] ballerinas ever do the splits?
They always get stuck to the floor.
Yours Fun Portal !
Why wont [ethnic] ballerinas ever do the splits?
They always get stuck to the floor.
Q: If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be the prostitute?
A: The one that’s labeled “IDAHO”
There were 2 blondes and a brunette.
The first blonde said “I want to be smart.” POOF! She was a brunette.
The other one said the same thing.POOF! She was a Brunette too!
The Brunette said “I want to be dumb!” POOF! She was a man!
The Stork family sits down to dinner. The momma stork asks the daddy stork, ‘So how was your day dear?’ ‘Well’, he replied, ‘I flew North and South all day, making people happy. And how was your day?’ She answers, ‘Pretty much the same. I flew East and West making families happy.’ They both turn to junior Stork, ‘And how was your day?’, they asked. Junior Stork tells them, ‘I had a blast, I flew all over scaring the hell out of college students!’
Why did bill quit playing the saxophone?
To play his WhoreMonica
User : Hello, my computer is reporting a fatal error!
Support : Well there’s nothing we can do now, you should have called us when it was still critical!
A redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women
lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the
women don’t seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up
to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women.
“Excuse me,” he says, taking the guy aside, “but I’ve been trying to meet one
of those women for about an hour now, and I just can’t seem to get anywhere with
them. You’re French. You know these women. What do they want?”
“Maybe I can help a little beet,” says the Frenchman. “What you do eyes you go
to zee store. You buy a little bikini seeming suit. You walk up and down zee
beach. You meet girl very weekly zees way.”
“Wow! Thanks!” says the redneck, and off he goes to the store. He buys a
skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up
and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies.
So he goes back to the Frenchman. “I’m sorry to bother you again,” he says,
“but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven’t been able to
meet a girl.”
“Okay,” says the Frenchman, “I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You
buy potato. You put potato in seeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You
will meet girl very, very weekly zees way.”
“Thanks!” says the guy, and runs off to the store. He buys the potato, puts it
in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he
walks, but the women will hardly even look at him. After half an hour he can’t
take it anymore and goes back to the Frenchman.
“Look�, he says, “I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and
down the beach– and still nothing! What more can I do?”
“Well,” says the Frenchman, “maybe I can help you a little beet. Why don’t you
try moving zee potato to the FRONT of zee seeming suit?”
Yo mama is so skinny she uses a band-aid for a maxipad.
A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. “I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.” When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: “I’ve circled the block for 20 years, and if I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”
A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summerhouse in the country
where he retreated for several weeks every year. Each summer, the lawyer would
invite a different friend of his (no, that’s not the punch line) to spend a week
or two at this home, which happened to be in a backwoods. On one particular
occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend,
eager to get a freebee off of the lawyer, agreed. They had a splendid time in
the country — rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning,
the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their
morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries
and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge Bears — a large
male and a smaller female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears and sensing danger,
immediately dashed for cover. His friend, however, being ignorant of nature, was
not so lucky. The male bear charged the paralyzed Czechoslovakian, and then
swallowed him whole. The lawyer, instilled with fright, rushed back to his car
and sped into town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff, upon hearing the
lawyer’s unsettling story, grabbed his rifle and dashed back to the berry patch
with the lawyer following closely behind. Sure enough, the two bears were still
there. “He’s in THAT one!� cried the lawyer, pointing to the large male bear,
all the while visions of lawsuits from his friend’s family lagged in the back of
his mind. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the two bears,
and without batting an eye, leveled his rifle, took careful aim, and SHOT THE
FEMALE. “What did you do that for!� exclaimed the lawyer, “I said he was in the
other one!” “Exactly,” replied the sheriff, “Would YOU believe a lawyer who told
you the Czech was in the male?”
A cowboy rides his horse to a saloon and kisses his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him why he did that.”I have chapped lips.””Does manure help them heal?””No, but it keeps me from licking them.”
Q: Why dont birds wear underwear?
A: Because their peckers are on their faces