How many He-Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that’s women’s work!
Author: admin
Blonde jokes
i knew a blonde who was so stupid she…
~she got stabed in a shoot out.
~she sent a pack of M&Ms back because they had W on them instead
of M.
~she tride to put M&Ms in alphabeticle order.
~it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minuts (old but good)
~she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
~when she was going to the airport she saw a sing that said
“airport left” and she went home.
~if u gave her a penny for her thoughts ud get change back.
~when she saw NC-17 (under 17 not admited) she went back and got
16 friends.
~when she heard that 90% of all crimes happen at home….. she
moved.
~she thought Boys II Men where a daycare.
Bear and rabbit
A bear was chasing a rabbit around the woods, when the rabbit came across a magic frog. He said that if they stopped fighting he’d grant them 3 wishes each “Bear, you go first” the frog said. So the bear wished that all the bears in the wood except him were female. The rabbit then asked for a motorbike.” poof, two wishes left.” ” duh, ” thought the bear, “rabbit could have just asked for money and then he could have bought his own motorbike” So bear then wished that all the bears except him in the next wood were female too. The rabbit then asked for a motorcycle helmet, put it on and kickstarted the engine. The bear was shocked at how thick the rabbit was being, he could have asked for more money and bought his own
” Rabbit, your last wish” the frog said. The rabbit said: “I wish the bear was gay”, and drove off into the distance.
Blondes…. their really dumb
2 brunettes and a blonde were sitting in bar when the blonde turned around and said hey man your really dumb D-u-m hey blonde said the bruntte there’s a b then the blonde said where
18 Holes
there were 4 people 1 girl 3 boys.there car broke down.so they went to the nerest house wich was a farm house. he says that the lady can sleep in his 1 spare bedroom and the men can sleep in his 3 barns.the 1st one sleeps with 18 cows the second one sleeps with his 18 pigs the third one sleeps with his 18 daughters in the barn.the next morning the first one walks out and says he feels like a cow. the second one walks out and says man i feel like a pig. the third one walks out and says man i fell like a golf ball. i have been in and out of 18 holes in one night.
Jet setting drunks
A couple of drinking buddies, who were airplane mechanics, were in the hanger at Mascot in Sydney. It was fogged in and they had nothing to do. One said to the other, ‘Man, have you got anything to drink?’ ‘Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel and that’ll kinda give you a buzz.’ So, Bill and Bob drank jet fuel, get smashed and had a great time. The following morning, Bill woke up and figured his head would probably start pounding as soon as he stood up. But it didn’t. He felt good. In fact, he felt great – no hangover! Bill’s phone rang, it was Bob. Bob asked, ‘Hey, how do you feel?’ ‘I feel great!’ replied Bill. ‘I feel great too! You don’t have a hangover?’ ‘No. That jet fuel is great stuff – no hangover. We ought to do this more often!’ ‘Yeah, we could, but there’s just one thing…’ ‘What’s that?’ ‘Did you fart yet?’ ‘What?’ ‘Did you fart yet?’ ‘No…’ ‘Well, don’t, because I’m in Melbourne!’
The Godfather
The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with
his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where’s the three
million bucks you embezzled from me?” The accountant doesn’t answer. The
Godfather asks again, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from
me?”
The attorney interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot
understand you, but I can interpret for you.”
The Godfather says, “Well, ask him where the @#!* money is.” The attorney,
using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars
is. The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know what you’re
talking about.” The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of
the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where the @#!*
money is!”
The attorney signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!” The
accountant signs back, “Okay! Okay! The money’s hidden in a suitcase
behind the shed in my backyard!” The Godfather says, “Well, what did he
say?” The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He says that you don’t
have the guts to pull the trigger.”
Does anybody know the Washington Post’s code…
Does anybody know the Washington Post’s code name for their Clinton
insider-news source?
I’m pretty sure it’s not “Deep Throat” …
Bad Sex
An old couple were sitting on their front porch reading the newspaper. When suddenly the woman stands up hits her husband upside the and sits back down. The man asks, “what was that for”. The woman replies “that’s for 35 years of bad sex”. The man ,out of anger, hits her back and says “that’s for known”.
A short line outside a
A short line outside a building becomes a long line inside.
Drunken Man
A drunken man staggers into a catholic church and sits down in a
confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract
his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on
the wall three times in a final atempt to get the man to speak, and
finnally the drunk replies – “No use knockin’ mate – there’s no paper in
this one either”.
What to do Christmas Eve if you’re Jewish
WHAT TO DO ON CHRISTMAS EVETwas the night before Christmas, and we, being Jews,My girlfriend and me — we had nothing to do.The Gentiles were home, hanging stocking with care,Secure in their knowledge St. Nick would be there.But for us, once the Hanukkah candles burned down,There was nothing but boredom all over town.The malls and the theaters were all closed up tight;There weren’t any concerts to go to that night.A dance would have saved us, some ballroom or swing,But we searched through the papers; there wasn’t a thing.Outside the window sat two feet of snow;With the wind-chill, they said it was fifteen below.And while all I could do was sit there and brood,My girl saved the night and called out ‘CHINESE FOOD!’So we ran to the closet, grabbed hats, mitts and boots –To cover out heads, our hands, and our foots.