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�POR QU� EL POLLO CRUZ�

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�POR QU� EL POLLO CRUZ� LA CARRETERA?

Respuestas:

PROFESOR DE PRIMARIA: Porque quer�a llegar al otro lado.

PLAT�N: Porque buscaba el bien.

ARIST�TELES: Est� en la naturaleza de los pollos cruzar la carretera.

MARX: Era su devenir hist�rico.

MOIS�S: Y Dios bajo de los Cielos y le dijo al pollo: Cruzad la carretera. Y el pollo cruz� la carretera y todos se regocijaron.

SADAM HUSSEIN: Fue un acto de agresi�n no provocado. El que lanz�semos 50 toneladas de gas nervioso estuvo plenamente justificado.

RONALD REAGAN: Se me olvid�.

CAPIT�N KIRK: Para ir adonde ning�n pollo ha llegado jam�s.

HIP�CRATES: Debido a un exceso de humores en su p�ncreas.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: La desregulaci�n del lado de la carretera del pollo amenazaba su posici�n dominante en el mercado. El pollo se enfrentaba a importantes retos para crear y desarrollar las competencias necesarias a fin de encarar la competitividad del mercado. Andersen Consulting, en una relaci�n de socio con el cliente, ayud� al pollo redise�ando tanto su estrategia de distribuci�n f�sica como sus procesos de implantaci�n. Empleando el M�todo de Integraci�n Av�cola (MIA), Andersen coadyuv� al pollo a emplear sus habilidades, metodolog�a, conocimiento, capital y experiencias para alinear a la gente, procesos y tecnolog�a del pollo en el apoyo de su estrategia global, dentro de un marco de trabajo de Gesti�n de Programas. Andersen Consulting convoc� un equipo multidisciplinario de analistas de carreteras y a los mejores pollos que, junto con los consultores de Andersen con profundas habilidades en la industria del transporte, llevaron a cabo durante dos d�as una serie de reuniones con el objeto de apalancar su capital personal de conocimiento, tanto expl�cito como impl�cito, y de permitirles obtener sinergias entre s�, para conseguir las metas impl�citas de la entrega y dise�o exitoso, e implementando un marco de valores de empresa a trav�s del flujo de procesos av�colas. Las reuniones se mantuvieron en un entorno que reproduc�a un parque, posibilitando y creando un ambiente de alto impacto que estaba estrat�gicamente situado, centrado en la industria y elaborando un mensaje consistente, claro y �nico frente al mercado, alineado con la misi�n, visi�n y valores principales del pollo. Esto condujo a la creaci�n de una soluci�n integradora de negocio total. Andersen Consulting ayud� a que el cambio del pollo fuese m�s exitoso. El pollo consigui� la certificaci�n de AENOR al cumplir con los requerimientos de la norma ISO 9000. (Realmente, el pollo muri� atropellado por tardar tanto en cruzar).

MARTIN LUTHER KING: Veo un mundo en el que todos los pollos ser�n libres de cruzar la carretera sin que sus motivos se cuestionen.

BILL CLINTON: El pollo no cruz� la carretera. Repito, el pollo no cruz� la carretera.

MAQUIAVELO: La cuesti�n es que el pollo cruz� la carretera. �A qui�n le importa por qu�? El fin de cruzar la carretera justifica cualquier motivo.

FREUD: El hecho de que est�s preocupado porque el pollo cruce o no la carretera revela tu inseguridad sexual.

BILL GATES: Acabo de lanzar el Pollo Office 2000, que no s�lo cruza carreteras sino que, adem�s, pone huevos, archiva tus documentos importantes y cuadra tus cuentas.

DARWIN: A lo largo de grandes periodos de tiempo, los pollos han sido seleccionados naturalmente, de modo que ahora tienen una disposici�n gen�tica a cruzar carreteras.

EINSTEIN: La cuesti�n de s� el pollo ha cruzado la carretera o la carretera se ha movido debajo del pollo depende de tu marco de referencia.

BUDA: Preguntar eso niega tu propia naturaleza de pollo.

HEMINGWAY: Para morir bajo la lluvia.

Police files

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With a little help from our friends!
Police in Oakland, California, spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing 10 teargas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting, ‘Please come out and give yourself up!’
What was Plan B?

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
These nitwits are teaching our children?

A nine-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia, received a one-day suspension under his elementary school’s drug policy last week for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him ‘jump higher’.

and… A student in Belle, West Virginia, was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school’s ‘zero-tolerance’ policy (not to be confused with the ‘zerointelligence’ policy).

They definitely saw this bloke coming
Fire investigators on Maui, Hawaii, have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month – a short in the homeowner’s newly installed fire prevention alarm system. ‘This is even worse than last year,’ said the distraught homeowner, ‘when someone broke in and stole my new security system.’

Working for your supper!
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

Taking care of the competition
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. ‘There are too many business grads out there,’ he said. ‘If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened.’

Me and my big mouth!
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, ‘Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,’ the man shouted, ‘That’s not what I said!’

Burning a hole in the pocket!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. ‘He was seen hopping and jumping around,’ said police spokesman Mike Carey, ‘with an explosion taking place inside his pants.’ Police have the man’s charred trousers in custody.

My old man’s a plonker!
A man spoke frantically into the phone, ‘My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!’ ‘Is this her first child?’ the doctor asked. ‘No, you idiot!’ the man shouted. ‘This is her husband!’

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

Iraqi Cruise

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An Iraqi was walking on the beach when he was approached by a man. “Say Buddy,” said the man, “How�d you like to take a cruise for $100?”

“Sure!” exclaimed the Iraqi. When he gave the man his money, the guy pulled out a black jack and hit him over the head. He pulled him down to the shore, put him in an inner tube and then shoved him off.

The next day, another Iraqi was walking on the beach, and was approached by the same man, in the same manner. Sure enough, when the second Albanian gave him his money, out came the black jack, and the second Albanian was on his way out to sea.

Several days had passed, and the two Iraqi�s eventually ran into one another. “Hey Buddy,” the second asked the first, “do they serve drinks on this cruise?”

“They probably won’t.” said the first, “They didn’t last year.”

Horse tears

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A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the
bartender asks, “What’s the matter?”

The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and
well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or
even feeding them the right foods.”

The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can
do. “Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?”

The man stops crying and says, “that sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try
it�.

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was
before. “What’s the matter now?” the bartender asks.

The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of
one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart
again!”

The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, “Why don’t you
try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back�.

The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the
fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of
a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems.
“I. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and. it… it… grew
back!”

The bartender, now furious at the guy’s general stupidity, yells, “For crying
out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that
the other one!” The fellow cannot believe what the bartender has said and storms
out of the bar.

The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won
the lottery. “It worked, it worked!” he exclaims. “I measured the horses and the
black one is two inches taller than the white one!”

Pastor and the trained Horse

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A man came to a Sunday school class late one day and the teacher said he will punish the late comer with a qeustion. He asked the late comer wether to ask him one hard qeustion or two simple ones. The late comer said

one hard qeustion.

Q. How many stars are there in Heaven

A. 5000,00000000

The Teacher was surprised and he asked how do you know

The late comer replied him thus; You have asked me another qeustion again.

A Long Hot Bath

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Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath.

Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang.

The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe, and went to the
door. A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes. Slamming
the door, the man returned to the bath.

The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started
for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and
hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.

Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and, with
every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.

After examining him, the doctor said, “You know, you’ve been lucky. Nothing is
broken. But you need to relax. Why don’t you go home and take a long hot bath?