ONCE ONE SARDARJI GOES TO A HOTEL. HE EATES FULLY. AND AFTER EATING HE GOES TO WASH HIS HANDS IN THE WASHBASIN. INSTEAD OF WASHING HIS HANDS HE STARTS WASHING THE WASHBASIN,THE MANAGER COMES RUNNING AND ASKS PRAHJI AAP KYA KAR RAHE HO. THE SARDARJI REPLIES AAP NE TO BORD LAGAYA HE KI WASHBASIN
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What Colour
A man goes into a chemist’s shop, and asks for a packet of condoms. The assistant asks him what variety he would like.
“How about the new box of condoms of different colors?”
So he buys a packet of 12 mixed colors and goes away.
A few months later he’s in the maternity wear shop buying a maternity dress for his wife.
“What bust?” asked the assistant.
“The yellow one.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Quotes on Politics
“The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to
war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he’d like to help, but
he’s pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.”
– Conan O’Brien
***
Upon hearing of the vote in the U.S. House of Representatives confirming their
Ethics Committee recommendation to expel (now former) Ohio Representative
Trafficant on charges of graft and use of his office for personal gain, my
wife’s comment was: “Great! Only 524 to go!”
***
Don’t Laugh
A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I’ve got this problem, only you’ve got to promise not to laugh.”
The doctor replies, “Of course I won’t laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of being a doctor I’ve never laughed at a patient.”
“OK then,” says the man, and he drops his trousers. The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor. Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” he says to the patient, “I don’t know what came over me, I won’t let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?”
The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, “It’s swollen.”
10 Things to Say To A cop if you want to get arres
10 Things to say to a cop if you want to get arrested
10. If he calls you son say ive been fuckin my grandma this
whole time?
9. When he writes you a ticket ask if you can pay now with a
credit card
8. When he says, I think you were speeding, say so were you, I
was doing 90 and you were tailin me all the way
7. If he says you were doin 85, say no, I was doin 90.
6. When he says I think you were speeding, say wll i think so
too but you see me pullin myself over and givin me a ticket
5. When he says you have the right to remain silent, say you
have the right to eat only jelly donuts. youre too fat for
powdered.
4.While hes saying whatever hes saying say I have my liscense
right here are you blind?
3. If he says, you weren’t wearing your seat belt, say well you
arn’t either now!
2. If hes bald ask him if hes usin Rogaine and say it might help
your ugliness.
1. Speak another language to the cop if you know one or just
speak gibberish if you don’t
The 2 moose hunters…
These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. (emphasis on fool)
They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the
mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.
They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls’ pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, “OK, lets get out and get him”!
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts –
“THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!”
The front guy says, “Well, I’m gonna start nibbling grass,
but you better start to “brace yourself!”
A man with his pregnant wife
A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when
his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw
his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bedside.
He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, “Don’t worry,
everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a
real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife
were unconscious, I named them for you.”
The husband was thinking to himself, “Oh no, what has he done now?” and said
with trepidation, “Well what did you name them?”
The brother replied, “I named the little girl Denise�.
The husband, relieved, said, “That’s a very pretty name! What did you come up
with for my son?”
The brother replied, “Denephew�.
Mother In Law
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.
The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.
“Yes, please” she replied. “Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”
Ghost shit
It was late one night and three guys just got done partying. So they needed to find a motel. So they find a super8 motel. They go in to the clerk and get one room because that was all that they could afford.
They get to there room and there is only one bed so quickly one guy says, “I get the bed.” Then another guy says, “I get the bathroom.” Then the last guy says, “I guess I get the closet.”
During the middle of the night the guy in the bed has to take a big ol shit. But he remembers the guy in the bathroom so he does his busness in the pillow case and throws it in the closet.
In the morning he gets up and checks on the guy in the bathroom. They both had a great night sleep. So they go and see their friend in the closet. When they asked how his night was he said, “It was pretty good up until a white ghost jumped in and I kicked the shit out of it.
Orange Dick
A guy goes to the doctor and say�s ” Doc my pecker has turned orange.”
The doctor takes a look and say�s “I’ve never seen anything like this before. We’ll have to run some tests to see if you have been poisoned or something. Where do you work, is it a chemical plant?”
The guy answers “No. As a matter of fact I’ve been out of work for a couple of months now and I’ve just been sitting around the house watching pornos and eating cheetos.”
An Adult Pig Story
A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting
pregnant, and calls a vet for help.
The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The
farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to
display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs
are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and
will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs himself.
So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has
sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all
still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and
loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, has sex
with each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One
more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them
out to the woods. He spends all day with them and, upon returning home,
falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the
pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in
the mud.
“No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them’s honking the
horn.”
Hospital Donation Clinics
A man and a woman meet in a hospital donation clinic.
The man says to the woman, “What are you here to give?”
She says, “I’m here to give blood. I get paid $5.”
The man says, “Oh, I’m here to donate sperm, I get paid $25!” A couple of
weeks later they meet again in the clinic.
The man says, “Hi there! Are you here to give blood again?”
The woman puffs her cheeks out and shakes her head.