Mummy and daddy had taken little Benjy to Blooms kosher restaurant.
During their first course, Benjy says, �This soup tastes funny, daddy.�
His daddy replies, �So why aren�t you laughing?�
Author: admin
Psychiatrist’s Problems
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to
leave, and walked out together.
One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt
and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.” The
others agreed.
Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time
right now to hear each other out?” The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire for sex and I
frequently seduce my female patients.”
The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to
cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I
want.”
The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get
my patients to sell them for me.”
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not
supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret.”
Railroad
Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, “There’s a hell of a lot of steps here.”
The second drunk replies, “Yes, but have you seen how low the hand rail is?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Three Strikes Your Out
A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon pulled by a team of
horses. When one of the hoses stumbled, he said, “That’s once.”
Then it stumbled again. He said, “That’s twice.”
Then later it stumbled a third time. This time, he didn’t say anything, just
pulled out a shotgun and shot the hores dead.
His wife cried out and started to yell at him. The farmer turned to her and
said, “That’s once.”
A husband and wife
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede
their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked,
“relatives of yours?”
“Yep�, the husband replied, “In-laws�.
Golf bag
The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and
clubs at his side.
She said, “What are your golf clubs doing here?”
He looked her right in the eye and said, “This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”
What do Smart Blonde
Waht do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?You always hear about them but you never see them!
Back To Earth
One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming
around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They
were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said “Closed for
Remodeling”. One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. He said, “What
are you doing here! No one is supposed to be here! We are closed for the weekend
for remodeling!”
The one nun said, “Well, we’re dead and we can’t go back.” “Alright,” said St.
Peter. “What we are going to do is send you back for the weekend as whoever you
wish to be and then we’ll accept you back into Heaven,” exclaimed St. Peter as
he looks at the first nun.
“Okay, who do you want to be?” he asks the nun. “Well, I thought her life was
very interesting especially since she gave her life to God, so I want to be Joan
of Arc.” Poof! The first nun becomes Joan of Arc.
“Okay, you�re next,” as her looks at the second nun, “Who do you want to be?”
“! ! Well, I thought her life was very interesting and she died a tragic death,
so I want to become Marilyn Monroe,” pronounces the second nun. Poof! The second
nun becomes Marilyn Monroe.
“Okay, who do you want to be?” St. Peter says to the third nun. “I want to be
Alice Kapipelean.” “Excuse me?!?” confusingly asks St. Peter. “I want to be
Alice Kapipelean!” exclaims the nun. St. Peter replies, “Pardon me Sister, we
have no record of any Alice Kapipelean being on earth,” explains St. Peter.
“There is TOO an Alice Kapipelean and I have proof right HERE!!!” shouts the
nun. St. Peter takes the news article and read it. “Oh my, Sister. You have
misread this article. This article says that the Alaska Pipeline was laid by 500
men in six months.”
TGIF blondes
Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes? Toes Go In First!
Gore and Bush Do Lunch
Al Gore and George W. Bush were seated for lunch in a Washington restaurant.
The attractive waitress approached them to take their orders.
“I’ll have a ham sandwich,” said Gore.
“For you sir?” she asked Bush. “How about a quickie,” Bush replied.
“Governor!”, she exclaimed. “How rude, and to think, you’re not even President
yet!”
As she stormed off, Gore leaned over the table and whispered to Bush, “George,
it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”
Clinton on Halloween
A little boy wanted to be Bill Clinton for Halloween, but he couldn’t get door-to-door with his pants around his ankles.
A quote on marriage
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx