A man walks into a bar. It must have hurt!
Author: admin
Your Momma Is So Fat
Your momma is so fat when she sat in the back seat of the car the whole front end went up.
En un convento, una monja
En un convento, una monja sali� embarazada y se arm� de valor para informarle a la madre superiora.
“�Qui�n fue el culpable?”, inquiere la madre superiora.
“Ha sido el esp�ritu santo, porque no tuve relaciones con nadie”.
Para salir del problema, la monja mayor le dice:
“Est� bien, ret�rate del convento por 9 meses y despu�s regresas”.
Al d�a siguiente, aparece otra monja con el mismo problema y as�, nuevas hermanas se presentan cada d�a con lo mismo. Pasados tres meses, la superiora re�ne a todas las monjas:
“Por razones personales tengo que retirarme por nueve meses; pero cuando vuelva, �voy a buscar a la persona que le puso semen a las velas!”
On the other hand, you
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Bowling Ball
Why is a bowling ball like a hooker?
Cos they both get picked up, fingered and then banged down an alley.
Top Ten Things that Sound Dirty in Law but Aren’t
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let’s do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
1. Think you can get me off?
Can I Have A Drink?
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later, “Da-ad…””What?” “I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?” “No. You had your chance. Lights out.”Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…” “WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??””I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!” Five minutes later… “Daaaa-aaaad…” “WHAT??!!””When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”
Royal Penis Comparison
The kings of Spain, France, and England all stand on stage together in front of their nations all ready to see who of the three has the largest penis.
The king of Spain takes his out and as they all see the impressive proportions all the Spanish people shout: “Viva Espania!”
The king of France is next and as his is even larger, all the French scream: “Vive la France!”
Next comes the king of England, and just as he drops his pants and takes his out, everyone exclaims: “God save the Queen!”
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?A: Because they’re sending their turkey to the White House!
Spanish dining
An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is.
“These, senor,” replied the waiter in broken English, “are the cojones, how you say, the testicles, of the bull killed in the ring today.”
The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served, he says to the waiter, “These cojones, or whatever you call them…are much smaller than the ones I had last night.”
“Yes, senor,” replied the waiter, “You see…the bull, he does not always lose.
Vaccum Cleaner
Vaccum Cleaner
#.An old woman was once cleaning her carpet when suddenly she heard a knock. She walks up to the
door and there stood this well built man with a vacuum cleaner.
Old woman: Young man, how may i help you?
Young man: Well, I�ve got this vacuum cleaner and would like you to try it.
(He enters the room and starts spreading the dust that the old woman had gathered on the carpet.
Old woman: What do you think you are doing?
Young man: You just watch me; you see this (pointing at the vacuum cleaner).It will clean your carpet
and make it new as the very first day you bought it.
He collected more dust and soot and pressed them hard on the carpet with his shoe.
He then reached for the vacuum cleaner and asked, where can I plug this?
The old woman stared at him for a while and replied, there is no electricity in this village yet, it is only in the next two village which is about 56km from here.
The story of the bats
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.””We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”The first bat replies, “Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere.” He flies out of the cave.When he returns, he is covered with blood.The second bat says excitedly, “Where did you get the blood?”The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, “See that black building over there?””Yes,” the other bat answers.”Well,” says the first bat, “I didn’t.”