A bloke goes into a pub, takes a seat at the bar, and orders five pots. The barman gives him an odd look since the bloke’s all by himself, but he serves up the five pots and lines them up on the bar.The bloke downs them….One, Two, Three, Four, Five. He finishes the last one and calls to the barman, “Four pots, please, mate!”The barman serves up four pots and lines them on the bar. The bloke downs them….One, Two, Three, Four. Then he belches loudly, sways slightly on the stool, and orders three more pots. And one after the other, he knocks them back….One, Two, Three.”Two potsh, mate!” he calls, and the barman places two pots in front of him. Down they go….One, Two. As the bloke slams the last one down on the bar, he says, “One pot, mate.” So the barman fills the glass.The bloke sits there, staring at it for a moment, trying to focus. Then he looks at the barman and says, “Y’know, it’sh a funny t’ing, but the less I drink, the drunker I get…”
Author: admin
Growing Hair
A guy goes to the doctor and says, “Hey Doc, I know guys my age start to get hair growing in their nose and ears and stuff, but look at this.” Where upon he displays his penis which is covered with hair.
The doctor says, “Gee, never saw anything like that.”
“Am I in trouble?” asks the guy.
The doctor takes some samples and tells the guy to call him in a few days. When the guy calls the doctor tells him not to worry but advises him to, “Wash your hands better after you put the Rogaine on you head.”
A letter from an Ark
Dear Son:Your Paw has a job. It’s the first one he had in forty-eight years since we have been married. We are a little better off now, because we have so much money now we don’t know what to do with it. Paw gets $17.15 every Thursday, so we thought we ought to do something about fixing up the house.We sent to Sears & Roebuck for one of those bathrooms you hear people having in houses. It took a plumber to put it in shape.On one side of the bathroom is a great long thing something like a pig trough, only you get in it and wash all over. Over on the other side is a little white thing they call a sink where you wash your face and hands. But over in the corner we really got something. This thing, you put one foot in, wash it clean, then you pull the chain & get fresh water for the other foot.Two lids come with the thing. We got no use for them in the bathroom so I’m using one for the bread board. The other lid has a hole in it so we use it for a frame for grandfather’s picture.Sears & Roebuck are real nice people to deal with. They sent us a roll of paper with the outfit. We can’t write on it very well, so I’m using it to wrap Paw’s lunch. Take care of yourself.Maw
My Friend
My friend walks into a bar… OUCH!!!
Hitler
Q. Why did Hitler commit suicide?
A. He got the gas bill.
Is there a way to thank you?
“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.”My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”
Beaver
yo momma is so fat when she stepped on the dogs tail we had to call him beaver
Etch-A-Sketch
The computer service department has determined there is no longer any need
for network or software applications support.
The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by January, 1999.
Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. Here are the
main advantages.
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done
3. No more wasted time reading and writing e-mails (or jokes on lol-jokes.com)
FAQ for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support (EASTS)
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What’s the shortcut for undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a new document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set background and foreground in the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for re-booting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don’t shake it.
Q: How many atheists
Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None. Atheists never “see the light” anyway do they ?
Missappropriated Chu
A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him. ”You, sir, are drunk!” ”And you ma’am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!”
A drunk orders himself a beer
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink–he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely–but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries “Man! How many bars do you work at?”
US Oil Shortage
Higher gasoline prices caused by the shortage of oil. The less oil we have, the higher the price at the pump. There are a lot of folks that can’t understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA.Well, here’s the answer: It’s simple… nobody bothered to check the oil. We didn’t know we were getting low!The reason for that is obviously geographical, all the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.!!!