one day there was a gay man who would always get a different man there were threemen and they were talking about how successful their kids were one man went to the bathroom and there left two men one said my son is an air pilot and he bought his girlfriend a airplane the other man said my son is a lawyer and bought his girlfriend a an car when the other guy came out the bathroom he said his son was gay and that his boyfriend bought him a car and an airplane not knowing the two other mens son was gay then the man said my son is dating your sons
Author: admin
Talking her into a sexual act…
A boy takes his girlfriend back to her home at night, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, “Sweetie, why don’t you give me a blowjob?””What ? You’re crazy???!!!””Don’t worry, it will be quick, no problem.””No!! Someone may see…a relative, a neighbor…””At this time of the night no one will notice.””I’ve already said NO!””Honey, it’s no big thing… I know you’d like it too.””NO!!! I’ve said NO!!!””My love… don’t be like that…”At this moment the older sister shows up at the door in a nightgown with her hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes, and says, “Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God’s sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the damn intercom!”
The Policeman
There was once a policeman
Who stood at a junction
His organ had long seased to function
So every night he fooled his wife
By the clever use of his trunction
Bad Driver
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell’s Angels bikers walked in.
The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter.
The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s coffee and then he took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly paid his bill and left the diner.
One of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he?”
The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”
Jeperdy
Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
They wanted to see if their maxi pads really had wings!
Face the consequences
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack’s station-wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. “I’m recently widowed,” she explained, “and I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.” “Not to worry,” Jack said, “we’ll be happy to sleep in the barn.” Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow’s attorney. He called up his friend Bob and said, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?” “Yes, I do.” “Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?” “Yes, I have to admit that I did.” “Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?” Bob’s face turns red and he said, “Yeah, I’m afraid I did.” “Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!”
Eschew obfuscation.
Eschew obfuscation.
Flower Mix Up
I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend.
I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, “Deepest Condolences,” and sent the card to the funeral home that said, “I know it’s hot where you’re going, but you deserve it!
Chinese Detective
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop.
A few days later he received this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house. I watch house. He comes to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree – look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip her. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with ME. Fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE.
Redneck Logic
Two rednecks decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first redneck went to see a professor who told him to take math, history, and logic.”What’s logic?” asked the first redneck.The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a Weedeater?””I sure do,” answered the redneck.”Then, I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,” replied the professor.”That’s real good,” the redneck responded in awe.The professor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house.”Impressed, the redneck shouted, “Amazin!””And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.””Betty Mae! This is incredible!””Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.”You’re absolutely right!” exclaimed the redneck. “That’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever heard… I can’t wait to take this here logic class.”The first redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway, where his friend is still waiting.”So what classes are ya takin”? the friend asked.”Math, history, and logic,” replied the first redneck.”What in tarnation is logic”? asked his friend.”Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater”?”No,” his friend replied.”You’re queer, ain’t ya?”
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Take the Genius Quiz!
(answers at bottom)
Questions
1) What starts with F, ends with K, and brings excitement with
it?
2) What does a dog do, that a human steps in?
3) If a rooster lays an egg on the very top edge of a barn,
which direction will the egg fall?
4) In New Zealand, is there a fourth of July?
Riddles
1) She stands straight and tall
With much grace and pose
Yet the longer she lives
The shorter she grows
What is she?
2) A smooth blanket
Speckled with white
Sometimes so dark
Somethimes so light
What is it?
Math and Logic
1) Sally’s mother has three daughters. The first is named
Nickel, the second is Dime. What is the third daughter’s name?
2) There is a tree. After its first year, the tree was one foot
tall. Every year after that, this tree doubles its height until
it is fifty years of age and stops growing. How old was this
tree when it was exactly half its final height?
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Answers
Questions
1) Firetruck
2) Pants
3) No way. Roosters don’t lay eggs
4) Yes. It comes between the third and the fifth.
Riddles
1) A candle.
2) The sky.
Math and Logic
1) Sally
2) 49
Genius results
8 = The next Einstein
7 = Genius
6 = Pretty darn smart
5 = Clever
4 = Average
3 = Below average
2 = Not so bright
1 = Complete idiot
0 = Mentally retarded and incapable of dressing his/her self
(this does not apply to children under the age of five)