1. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a blowjob in the morning.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
4. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”
5. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
6. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
7. You have enough clothes.
8. You have too many shoes.
9. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us
to like it.
10. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and
your Dad probably is too.
11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
12. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
13. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a blowjob in the morning.
14. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
15. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
16. It is neither your interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
18. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we
know how pretty you are?
20. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
21. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
22. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do
we.
23. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their
right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
24. When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the
off-ramp, you saying, “This is our exit,” is not strictly
necessary.
25. Nothing says ‘I love you’ quite like a blowjob in the
morning.