A blonde was walking down the street with her boob hanging out
of her shirt. A police stopped her, pointed at her breasts and
said, “Ma’am I’m afraid I’m going to have do arrest you for
indecent exposure.” She looked down, thought for a minute, and
then screamed, “Oh no! I left my baby on the bus!”
Author: admin
Old Bessie
A man was driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car stalled inexplicably. He got out and raised the hood to see if he could find out what had happened.A brown and white cow slowly lumbered from the field she had been grazing in over to the car and stuck her head under the hood beside the man.After a moment the cow looked at the man and said, “Looks like a bad carburettor to me.”Then she walked back into the field and began grazing again.Amazed, the man walked back to the farmhouse he had just passed, where he met a farmer.”Hey, mister, is that your cow in the field?” he asked.The farmer replied, “The brown and white one? Yep, that’s old Bessie.”The man then said, “Well my car’s broken down, and she just said, ‘Looks like a bad carburettor to me.'”The farmer shook his head and said, “Don’t mind old Bessie, son. She don’t know a thing about cars.”
Who Was It?
The man came home to find evidence that his wife had been unfaithful. “Was it my friend Steve?” he yelled.
“No,” she said.
“Was it my friend James?” he then asked.
“What?” she shouted. “Don’t you think I have any friends of my own?”
Acronym for Clinton adminsitration
Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies
Encounter in a Texas Bar
A Texan was having a drink at a bar with an old friend when he noticed a attractive and chesty young lady seated at the bar eating a hamburger. As he held eye contact with her, she swallowed a bite and it must have gone down the wrong pipe for she began choking. She was turning blue and obviously in serious respiratory distress.The Texan said to his friend, ‘That there gal is having a bad time!’The other agreed and said, ‘Think we should go help?’ ‘You bet,’ and with that he ran over and said, ‘Can you breathe????’ She shook her head no. He said, ‘Can you speak??’ She again shook her head no. With that, he pulled up her skirt and licked her on the butt.So shocked was the young woman that she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief. Smiling to his friend, the Texan said, ‘Funny how that Hind Lick maneuver always works’
Was it good?
After making love, I said to my girl, “Was it good for you too?”
She said “I don’t think this was good for anybody!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
History Test (not really humor…)
1. Which state has the fewest counties?2. How many state names are one syllable?3. Which state passed a resolution in order that its name be pronounced properly.4. In which state is there a well pumping oil from the ground under the state capitol building?5. In which state were the most Revolutionary War battles fought?6. How many states are named after a president? — Scroll Down For Answers —1. Alaska, has no counties.2. only Maine3. Arkansas4. Oklahoma5. South Carolina6. Washington
Rules chicks don’t understand
1. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a blowjob in the morning.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
4. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”
5. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
6. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
7. You have enough clothes.
8. You have too many shoes.
9. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us
to like it.
10. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and
your Dad probably is too.
11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
12. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
13. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a blowjob in the morning.
14. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
15. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
16. It is neither your interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
18. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we
know how pretty you are?
20. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
21. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
22. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do
we.
23. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their
right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
24. When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the
off-ramp, you saying, “This is our exit,” is not strictly
necessary.
25. Nothing says ‘I love you’ quite like a blowjob in the
morning.
Different Perspectives
A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar and the best man notices that the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face.
The best man says, ”Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what’s up – you look so excited.”
The groom replies, ”I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.”
The bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the biggest, brightest smile on her face.
The maid of honor notices this and says, ”Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what’s up, you look so excited.”
The bride replies ”I have just given the last blow job of my entire life.”
Blonde Teacher
A blonde was being a substitute teacher for her friend. She
figured that it would be best if she wrote everything on the
board for the kids, so it would be easier for them to understand.
During math class she said to the class, “Ok class, it is time
for your math test. I will write the problems for the test on
the board.” So she did it, and they took the test.
Later in science she said to the class, “I will write the
questions to your science assignment on the board.” So she did
and they took the test.
Then later in spelling, she said to the class, “Class, I will
write the words for your spelling test on the board.”
Digger Phelps quotes
Digger Phelps’ Words of WisdomFrom the NCAA Tournament:”Basketball is a game of two halves.””We have to remember that whoever scores the most points by the end wins.””You’re either a good team or a bad team, and they played somewhere in the middle.””He’s like all great players — not great yet.””You don’t score 86 points without being able to shoot.”
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
“Demi Moore’s new movie about the first woman…
“Demi Moore’s new movie about the first woman in the elite Navy Seals
still has no name,” says Alex Kaseberg. “They decided not to go with the
title chosen by a test marketing group — ‘Straight to Video.'”