Bush and Blair are directly responsible for global warming ~they both spout huge volumes of hot air.
Author: admin
Unfertilized.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
Political Spelling C
If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood, and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win? Dan Quayle. He’s the only one who knows that harass is one word.
Mhath
yek roz yek pesar doste samimie khodesho mibine mige pesare salam doste samime mige chera sot mizani vaghti harf mizani doste samimi mige boro doktor onam mire va badan mire doktor monshie mige pesar hala doktor miad dar hale inkam monshiam mach mikone kiss kiss va bade 10 min monshi mige boro pishe doktor va pesaram raft va doktor goft marzit chie darhale inkam doktoram bo bo pppppppp va akharesh doktor dava mide be pesare va badan pesare davaro mikhore va vai vai mige ssssssssssss kiss kiss kiss bo bo pppppppppppppp
Q: How many chess
Q: How many chess grandmasters does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. They are too “Short”.
En una convenci�n de sacerdotes,
En una convenci�n de sacerdotes, y en un momento de relax, se encuentran un cura mexicano, uno argentino y un peruano, y empiezan a charlar sobre el problema de las limosnas.
El religioso argentino comenta:
“Che, yo he resuelto de la mejor forma ese problema. Mir�, yo en la sacrist�a he hecho un c�rculo, entonces al final de la misas dominicales cojo todas las limosnas de la semana y las aviento hacia el cielo, lo que cae dentro del c�rculo es para Cristo y lo que queda fuera es para m�”.
El cura mexicano declara:
“Pos yo tengo un m�todo parecido, s�lo que yo he hecho un cuadrado, lo que cae dentro es para m�, y lo que queda fuera es para el Se�or”.
El cl�rigo peruano se r�e a carcajadas, y les informa que �l tiene un mejor m�todo:
“Miren, hijos m�os, yo lo he resuelto de otra forma, muy similar a la de ustedes; yo no tengo c�rculos ni cuadrados ni nada por el estilo, cada seis meses me voy de vacaciones a Europa con todos los gastos pagados, tengo servicio dom�stico en la parroquia y me doy el lujo de tener un Mercedes Benz de mi propiedad y unas cuantas casitas”.
“Che �y como lo hac�s?”
“Muy f�cil, agarro toda la limosna de la semana y la tiro al cielo; lo que agarra el Salvador es para �l, y el resto es para mis humildes gastos”.
Clowns
In the old days, kids who wanted to be clowns ran away to the circus.
Nowadays, they run for public office.
Eye Contact
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.
An old car that has served you so well will…
- An old car that has served you so well will continue to
serve you until you have just put four new tires under it
and then it will fall apart.
The Colonel’s Order
A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:”Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley’s Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it.” EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER:”By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley’s Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years.” COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT: “By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley’s Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in the battalion area, the Colonel will give another order, something which occurs once every 75 years.” LIEUTENANT TO SERGEANT: “Tomorrow at 2000 hours, the Colonel will appear in the theater with Halley’s comet, something which happens every 75 years. If it rains, the Colonel will order the comet into the battalion area.” SERGEANT TO SQUAD: “When it rains tomorrow at 2000 hours, the phenomenal 75-year-old General Halley, accompanied by the Colonel, will drive his comet through the battalion area theater in fatigues.”
Custom fit
There is a sign in the drugstore window: “Condoms, custom fit.”
So a man walks up to the counter and asks for a condom, like the sign says.
The man at the counter tells him to see Edith in aisle 4. So the man finds Edith.
Edith grabs the man by the crotch, then gets on the PA system and says, “Medium condom. Medium condom.”
Well the man is embarrassed, but goes to the counter to get his condom.
Later, a second man sees the sign in the window, and goes up to the counter to get his condom.
The druggist tells him to see Edith in aisle 4.
Same thing happens, Edith grabs his crotch, gets on the PA and says, “Large condom, this man needs a large condom.”
The man is pleased, at least, to be a large.
Next a teenager goes into the drugstore to get a fitted condom, and is told to see Edith is aisle 4.
Edith grabs his crotch, gets on the PA and says, “Clean-up in aisle 4, clean-up in aisle 4.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Bumper Sticker #124
Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply