Your mamma is so fat she uses a matress as a
tampon
Author: admin
Touring a new saw mill
Two Newfies landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just before morning the one yelled, “Mick! I lost me finger!” “Have you now?” says Mick. “And how did you do it?” “I just touched this big spinning thing here… No! There goes another one!”
You’re a redneck … you think that doom
You’re a redneck if…. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
How do you slow down
How do you slow down a fast Arkansas woman?
Put a governor in her!
Un d�a se encontraba un
Un d�a se encontraba un ancianita pescando del lado derecho de un muelle, saque y saque peces. En ese momento, llega un joven y se sienta del otro lado del muelle sin tener suerte.
Al d�a siguiente, el chico llega m�s temprano que la se�ora para ganarle el lugar, sin tener suerte. La vieja al llegar se sienta a pescar ahora del lado izquierdo del muelle, saque y saque pescados. En eso, intrigado el joven le pregunta a la dama:
“Oiga, abuelita, �c�mo le hace para saber en que lado va a estar buena la pesca?”
“Muy f�chil, hijito, todash lash ma�anash cuando me levanto, me fijo hacia que lado tiene el pene mi esposho. Si lo tiene hacia la deresha, pesco del lado deresho del muelle, y si lo tiene hachia la izquierda, pesco del lado izquierdo del muelle”.
El mozalbete, queriendo fregar a la ancianita, le pregunta:
“�Y cu�ndo tiene el pene parado, hacia que lado pesca?”
Sonriendo, la anciana le responde:
“Si tiene el pene parado, hijito… �De pendeja me vengo a peshcar!”
Yo mama is so dumb she brought toilet paper …
Yo mama is so dumb she brought toilet paper to a craps game.
Press any key to continue
NASA just disclosed details why the rover wouldn’t accept any commands. They
took a picture of the rover’s built-in display, which showed a windows screen
and the text “press any key to continue”.
Moleasses
There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country. The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, �Mmmmm, I smell sausage.� The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said �Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.� The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn’t because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, �The only thing I can smell is molasses.�
Blind Date
The blind date hadn’t been all that great and she was happy the nite was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said “Hey ! You wantta see my underwear ?”
Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn’t wearing any.
She glanced down and said, “Nice pattern. But does it also come in men’s sizes ?”
New Capan
Once there was a boy who went to work for a captain. The Captain had a wooden
leg, a hook on his hand, and a patch on his eye. Just like any old pirate. So
the kid asks “How did you get your wooden leg”? The Captain replied” I got
thrown over board and a SHARK ATE IT”! Then he asks ” how did you get your
hook”? The Captain replied”A hungry PAROTE ATE IT”! Then he asks” How did you
get your patch”? The Captain replied”A bird poopped on my eye”Then he asks ” How
would that take your eye out”? The Captain replied”It was the FIRST DAY WITH ME
HOOK”!
Afairs all round
A wife reaches her husband a silk handkerchief and asks him; “Doesn’t this belong to your secretary?”.
“Where did you find that?”, he stutters.
“I didn’t”, she answers.
“The mail man found it on your night-stand”.
Jacko joke
What does caviar and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
Submitted by MrsVerm
Edited by calamjo